Campbell is Here!

Campbell Coker Carlson

born on

November 17, 2011

at 2:21 p.m.

weighing 8 lbs. 15 oz.

20.5 inches long 

Boys!

On Wednesday,  we were able to see a healthy and already fast-growing baby boy at my sonogram!  Come November, Lord willing,  we will have another little boy in our home.  This will make the first time in both mine and Jim's lives that we live in a house where the males outnumber the females!

Let me tell you,  I started writing this blog entry this morning but barely got out "Boys!" when I heard a loud bang followed by a holler and cry from Lennox.  I found him on the ground next to the couch that he presumably fell off of and he had a mouth full of blood! Ahhh!  I suppose a lot more of that will be in my future if my next son is anything like Lennox!  He's okay.  He needed a quick hug from Mom and the he was off to the next adventure.  That is the biggest difference I see between my son and daughter.  Sweet, sensitive Dylan would have been huddled up next to me needing consoling for a good 20 minutes after an escapade like that,  Lennox was over it in a matter of seconds, literally.

Well, I better go, I hear change clanging around and Lennox likes to "re-arrange" my wallet.

In closing,  I am thankful for another child, regardless of sex.  I am thankful that God remains faithful even as my faith waivers. I am thankful for a good report at the sonogram and beautiful view of the creativity, wisdom and power of God.  Boys and girls are different.  God made them that way.

Saying you believe something and living like you believe it...

...are two totally different things.  I say I believe and trust God, and know what his word says about trials, his purposes and his sovereign hand; but standing and living on those promises are different than saying you believe them.  I have a sonogram tomorrow.  I try to act really tough and confident- trying to be super excited about possibly finding out if it's a boy or a girl, but in reality, my reality, my sinful, unfaithful natural state, I'm pretty much in "freak out mode."  I don't have the luxury or history of living in the blissful, carefree pregnant state that I so often envy.  I have had way more "bad" sonograms than good ones.  My eyes and my heart automatically scan the screen in a panic mode trying to see movement, a heart beat, anything that says "life" instead of "death."   I know that what ever the outcome of everything God has laid out before me is good, regardless of how it makes my flesh feel, because he is good and I do believe his promises and they have been tested and proved in my own life.  But I am still this fallen creature that tends to want the easy way out, the shortcut, the bed of roses that my flesh longs for on the way to glory.  I have seen the glorious things God does in my life with brokenness and despair.  He makes me to look to him, to cry out to the only one who can help me.  It is not a bitter place to be, it is sweet.  Yet my flesh still presses against it, flees from it.  My prayer is that whether there is weeping or rejoicing in life or death tomorrow, that I would take joy in the God of my salvation and never let my circumstances steal my joy in HIM.

Be Intentional

This is the greatest advice I can give myself.  I have found much joy and much contentment in the last few weeks by purposing to be intentional in everything I do.  What are my intentions, you might ask?  To glorify God.  Wow, Sunday School answer, right?  Wrong!  I have a terrible habit of meandering through life half awake, blindly doing menial tasks with no purpose other than the fact that they need to be done.  I am guilty of not taking pride in my roles, and when I do take pride in them, it's the selfish, self-exaltation kind of pride- the kind the God of heaven abhors.  Not the pride a blood-bought redeemed child of God ought to take in serving others and serving her Lord- so that others will glorify my Father in heaven (Matthew 5:16).  So, I have tried very hard lately to not just do what I have to do because it needs to be done, but do it all as unto the Lord. (Colossians 3:17 & 23, 1 Corinthians 10:31)  Scripture doesn't suggest this principle, it commands it!

I have awakened to a joy in doing what I was made to do.  Not just as a human: to glorify God.  But as a wife: to serve my husband, to be his helper, to submit and trust him, as he submits and trusts our Lord; and as a mother: teaching Dylan about the Lord, homeschooling her, caring for Lennox; as an employee: serving my family, my father- who is my employer; as servant of God's Church and even very important as one who keeps a home organized and resourceful. 
When I know these are my God-given roles to fulfill and I am either being a false witness of His grace in me or I am being a purposeful servant of the Lord- it matters greatly!  If I will only begin a task with the mindset, "What I do matters greatly today- it matters to the Lord where my heart is when I complete this task and when I do this I am bearing His name,"- I can find great joy and contentment in even the smallest thing!  Sounds fantastic, doesn't it?

 So, why then, is it so easy to fall back into walking my blind little circles, just milling around completing tasks (or sometimes not even completing them!!)? It's. That. One. Word. Sin. Sin. Sin.  My old nature likes to fight hardily with my new identity.  We will fight this fight until we are with the Lord in glory.  I can not wait for that day!  In the mean time, being mindful, intentional and being self-aware and brutally honest with myself- that I can easily fall into that rut- is the best way for me to fight. I have written about the same thing here. I can't kid myself- and neither can you.  We have to be on guard against the ease of sin, the ease of idleness, and the ease of letting ourselves run on auto-pilot.  I think we can soundly say that if we are meditating on God's Word, meeting with him regularly in prayer, and surrounding ourselves with brothers and sisters that would spur us on to good works (Hebrews 10:24-25), and actually listening and taking care to meet the needs of others- as in our spouses and being careful to seek out ways to serve those in our body and in our community, we can beat this thing with the strength and power of the Spirit that lives in us.  This is the God of the universe- he made me, and he deserves to be the center of everything I do.  I am purposing the make that the truth in my life.  How about you?

Colors According to Dylan...

Back when I was pregnant with Lennox, Dylan was able to come to several of my sonograms at my specialist's office. Well, the sonogram machine was connected to a huge flat screen TV mounted on the wall. While we would wait for the doctor to arrive to perform the exam, a screen saver would pop up. One of the many pictures that would scroll across the screen was that of a set of babies lined up in only diapers. They were cute little chunky babies, of all shapes and shades. Well, one in particular caught Dylan's eye. She was a little African American baby girl with big, curly hair. Well, that is when Dylan asked me one of the sweetest questions, "Mommy, can we get one of those brown babies next time?" I grinned a big grin and answered her, "I sure hope so."

Dylan most certainly is not color-blind. She sees every color people come in plain as day and in her own words, upon viewing an Asian woman, "She's beautiful."

Sorry so delayed, I've been a little busy, you know!

Well, December 28th seemly went off without a hitch. I delivered in about 12 hours from induction, I only pushed a few times, then I had to stop because my doctor was stuck in traffic! I had to wait 25 minutes for her to get to the hospital, then I just pushed a couple of more times and Lennox was here! All 8 lbs. 15 oz. of him! What a big boy for being considered a "preemie!" Well, the question had loomed for a while about his size versus his age. I had failed my 1 hour glucose tolerance test, but was retested on a 3 hour scale and passed. Apparently, I had developed Gestational Diabetes after those tests were done (at 28 weeks) because Lennox was born with low blood sugar and it continued to plummet and was rushed to the NICU after we got to spend some time with him. After 4 days of being slowly weaned off of a glucose IV, we were able to take him home! Praise the Lord! Needless to say, his doctor told me I was probably a "Closet Diabetic" and I needed to be eating like one. So I have made some changes, and more are to come. I don't want to do that to another child, or myself again! I was released from the hospital on Wednesday and Lennox had to stay until Friday. This left me with no place to stay but home. I am breastfeeding him and I needed to strictly every 2 hours to get him off of the glucose drip. The nurses and doctor from the NICU made one of the empty NICU pods a room for me with a fold out bed. I cried! They were so awesome and definitely a gift from the Lord. I didn't ever miss one feeding with Lennox and I got to stay right down the hall from him in the same ward. It was definitely a wonderful thing!

With all that said, he is here! Finally! In the fullness of time, God saw fit to bless us with a son and Dylan is no longer an only child. She has been praying diligently for a sister now. It is so sweet, and we pray that God would grant her petition. She has asked for one with color for a long time and since seeing all the children in Haiti on the news, she's begun praying for a little sister.

God is good, not because he gave us another child, but he is good because that is his very nature. He is good, because he is God! Happiness is dependent upon circumstances. Joy is dependent upon God. May all of our joy be found in him. He alone can grant us that lasting, eternal joy! Amen

Preparing to expand our little family...

We are in the home stretch with Lennox. I am feeling well, just tired. I am battling a case of bronchitis right now that took me to the hospital last night because my doctor thought my shortness breath and elevated heart rate could be a sign of a blood clot on my lungs, which it could have been, but upon examination, it was not! Praise the Lord! We are so thankful for the Lord and how He has carried us through this pregnancy and every trial He has placed before us. God is faithful when we are not, He is good and His goodness is not dependent upon our circumstances.

I got word over the last two weeks that on the evening of December 27th, I will go into the hospital to be prepped for labor induction the following morning. I can't believe that in just over 2 weeks, Lennox will make his appearance into the world in person. This little person has been making himself known through crazy kicks and full body rolls for months now, and I think he is running out of room! His due date is January 18th, but because of the increasing risk of blood clots for both me and the placenta (which could place him in danger) He will be arriving 3 weeks early. Fine with me. He's already weighing about a pound less than Dylan at birth! According to the measurements, he is going to be a big boy!

I have so enjoyed this pregnancy, for many reasons. One namely, is that God has taught me not to hold on so tightly to people or pregnancies. Martin Luther's verse in "A Mighty Fortress is our God" really explains this biblical concept well: "Let goods and kindred go, this mortal life also: the body they may kill, God's truth abideth still, His Kingdom is forever!" We can not cherish things, even people above God, His truth, and His Kingdom. Those things- and those things alone, are eternal.

Thank you for all your prayers and support, I am asking that they continue in the last few weeks. I may not post again before he's born, but I hope to get a good photo post afterward!

What's in a name?

Naming a child is really a strange event. Permanent like a tattoo, but so much more powerful and weighty! The bible says that a good name is worth more than treasure! Seriously, though, it's almost crazy to think about. You have the power to name another human being. Well, we had already pretty much decided to on the middle name. I am a girl, I took Jim's last name, and I am an only child. We didn't want the Melville name to end with my dad, so Melville is to be the middle name of our little boy. It's definitely an honorable name, because when I hear Melville, I think of my Daddy, whom I love and respect very much. He is a godly man whose picture should be in the dictionary under the word: Integrity. My paternal great grandfather, Robert Melville, traveled as an immigrant from Scotland to the United States, and came through Ellis Island. We decided on a name that would continue along the Scottish legacy. Our son's name is: Lennox Melville Carlson. Lennox is the name of a Scottish Tribe. Anyway, we love the name, and before, we had come up with several that we liked but we didn't love. When we came across Lennox, we were both really crazy about it.

We thank the Lord for every minute he's given us with Lennox. We continue to pray for his health and future and we ask that you continue to do the same. Now, you have a name to pray for!

Valuing Life created in His image...

Well, we had our 17 week sonogram today. It went really well, except for the part we were all waiting for, you know, finding out if it is indeed the baby girl that Dylan is demanding or if we will put our daughter into shock by having a boy. We got two opinions from the doctor and the sonographer. Sonographer says its a boy and the doctor suspects a girl. Thanks, guys. The baby had its legs crossed in a "vise grip" position with the umbilical cord tightly tucked between. Thanks, baby. We do not care one way or the other, we are just delighted to be having another child. This is indeed a miraculous event before us. This is the phrase I have heard over and over during the last few weeks, "Well, as long is it's healthy, it doesn't matter if its a boy or a girl, right?" The answer to that is, "Right." Sort of. I don't mean to sound pesky about the way things are worded, but that question begs the implication that if my child is born unhealthy, I somehow may not want them anymore. Which, for the Christian is not true. We, as Christians are separated from the world in this: we value the lives of others above ourselves. We do not look at children with disablities and think that they are a nusance to our "perfect" little life, nor do we use the "pity" ticket as to say that it's not fair to bring a child with such birth defects or disablities into this world. Who are we to say who is worthy or unworthy to live every day that the Lord has given them? We do not look at an elderly person or a terminal cancer patient at the end of their life as someone whose life can be disposed of "humanely", so that they may die with dignity. We look at the trials the Lord has set before them as a blessing, not a curse. We see that what it says throughout the bible about trials refining the faith of a believer or drawing an unbeliever unto faith and repentance in our God. I see someone fighting through the pains and agonies of life with the grace and beauty of our Lord a way to die with dignity. I have seen it with my own eyes, old saints, drawing comfort and strength from their Lord and bringing Him much glory by their integrity in the face of death. It is glorious and it is supernatural. No strength of man can bring about this abiility, nor can we as Christians value life as precious as we do unless God has granted us a new heart and the power of His Spirit.

So, I guess my answer to the question I keep getting is: "Of course, I do pray that God would grant me a healthy child, but I will thankfully receive whatever child the Lord gives me, male or female, healthy or frail, this child will be beautiful and loved because he or she is created in the image of God." This child will be immediately given back to the Lord as an offering, just as Dylan was, so that we may raise our children, healthy or ill, in the fear and admonition of the Lord Most High.

The Incomprehensible God of Incomprehensible Grace

I suppose now is a good of a time as ever to share with my reader(s) some news on our homefront. I realize there may actually be a possibility that Tyler is not the only one that reads this thing. But, if he is, well, it just confirms what I already suspected of him- he’s awesome! You should check out Tyler's blog! Anyway, I digress...

Jim and I found out 7 weeks ago that I was pregnant again. The nurse and I counted up and this makes the ninth time. Oh, and praise the Lord, I am still pregnant! 10.5 weeks to be exact! We have seen 3 amazing sonograms with an amazingly strong heartbeat each time and my 8 week and 10 week sonograms have shown a baby measuring almost a week larger than our dating. I keep up with every detail of every cycle because I have lost a couple of pregnancies before I knew I was pregnant... needless to say, I try and find out each cycle at the earliest moment, if I am pregnant or not- that way I can start taking my hormones as soon as possible. I am 1.5 weeks away from being able to stop taking my daily hormone injections! Jim has been such a trooper to give me a shot in the rump every evening for the last 7.5 weeks, with one more week to go. In April of 2008, my doctor ran some new tests for miscarriage causes that were not available before Dylan was born and found out, in addition to my hormone deficiency, that I also have a blood clotting disorder that is exacerbated by pregnancy. So, in addition to my hormone injections, I have to inject myself with a blood thinner twice a day in the stomach and will continue that through out the pregnancy and until 6 weeks postpartum. Those are tiny insulin needles, much smaller and kinder than the gianormous muscular needles Jim has to stick me with each night. For this, I am thankful.

I am mostly thankful for God’s providence. I know I would not be here apart from His sovereign hand. I am thankful for medicines, doctors, tests and discoveries, but I know that for this to be taking place, it is God’s will. I know that this could all change tomorrow. I know I am not guaranteed a child in 6 months. I know that I had all of these issues while I was pregnant with Dylan and I only took hormones, and Dylan is here today. I know that my God is too big to understand fully. I am thankful that He is incomprehensible. I taught Dylan’s Wednesday night class that word a few weeks back, and I pray as she grows and experiences God’s workings in her own life, she will not just be able to say the word and repeat the definition, but she will know for certain that our God is INCOMPREHENSIBLE. And He is. And we can thank Him for that. Could you worship a god that you had “all figured out?” Would you WANT to worship a god that you had all figured out? He would cease to be God if we could fully understand Him. Would you be bored to death in Heaven if you knew everything about Him before you got there? All of eternity will not be enough time to exhaust knowing Him. He is worthy of our seeking to know Him more, but we will not be able to know everything about Him. He is far too amazing, too beautiful, and too glorious.

The last 7 months have been a roller coaster of change in our lives. I am so thankful that my God does not change. We’ve experienced losses of babies in utero since our family began in 2003 and 5 of them have been since 2007. We experienced a loss of a different type and magnitude in March when we had the opportunity to adopt a little 3 year old girl named “M” just seemingly fell in our laps. We got to meet her, and not that it matters, but she was adorable. She had dark, curly hair, against beautiful fair skin and gorgeous green eyes that smiled with her smile above round, freckled cheeks. We didn’t want to get our hopes up, but it seemed like a given. Her mother regretted not giving her up at birth, left her with people for weeks and months at a time without contact and one of her caregivers was introduced to us. We put together a photo album of our family and wrote her mother a letter. She responded favorably to the photo album and letter, couldn't believe that she'd come across a family like ours, and wanted us to adopt her daughter! She even wanted us to take her before we got the paper work drawn up, so she wouldn’t have to find someone to watch that weekend. Sad, I know. We kept getting these updates like: “They told “M” that she’s getting a new family and she’s trying to pack her things up!”; “Her mother is packing all of her baby pictures and hospital bracelets up for you to have.”; “She should be calling you for you to come pick her up.”; “M” is waiting by the door for you guys.” So, we told Dylan that she was getting a sister. We couldn’t very well let this little one show up with no advanced warning to Dylan. She was soooo excited! “My sister” this and “My sister” that. It was so encouraging. Then, after 2 days of painstaking waiting, we finally got word that she “needed more time.” We never heard back from her. She has found new people to watch “M” and hasn’t changed her parenting that we know of. We mourned this loss like any other, except this time was harder for us, I think. We have hope that our babies we lost in the womb are with our glorious Father in Heaven. We know “M” is still where she was before, in a bad situation. But we know God is merciful and we pray that He will reveal Himself to “M” and her mother and that they may become worshipers of the living God. We thought that this situation with losing “M” might discourage us from adopting. It gave us a greater zeal and desire to go and fulfill James 1:27 as followers of Christ. It’s about giving someone a chance to hear the Gospel that might never hear it otherwise; it’s about giving someone a family and a name by adopting them, just as our Father has adopted us into His Family! May each of us as believers fulfill our calling in James 1:27 to care for the orphans. No, not everyone is called to adopt, but everyone is called to this as believers. If you can’t adopt, maybe God is calling you to give to a young family that can’t afford to adopt; maybe He’s calling you to pray for families that are adopting children; maybe He’s calling you to make the glorious grace of adoption a mission for your church family to pursue. Whatever He’s calling you to do, you can rest assured that this is what He calls pure and undefiled religion:

“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” James 1:27

You were once not a people. Now you are God’s people. God has shown us that He not only pardons us by Christ taking on the wrath that we deserved, but He makes us sons and daughters. The King not only shows His mercy by granting us freedom, but the King invites us to share His name and is immeasurable riches as heirs of God, being joint-heirs with Christ! We don't just get to live, but we get to live in His kingdom! Can we not see the Gospel in adoption? Amen!

I recommend Dr. Russell Moore's new book: Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches. Dr. Moore and his wife have adopted two sons and he is the Dean of Theology at Southern Seminary. Dr. Al Mohler explains that his book is about adoption and the Gospel. There are many great books about adoption and many great books about the Gospel, but this book covers both, to paraphrase Dr. Mohler.

God has granted so much grace to myself and Jim. He has given us grace to be content in our circumstance as we have desired more children for some time now. He showed me my sin of discontent that I was harboring and graciously granted me repentance. He granted me peace so much peace in realizing I may not have another child through my womb. He has shown us the beauty and the Gospel of adoption. It truly is a beautiful doctrine and each one of us Christians can relate to. He has shown us how great He is, that He is the giver of life and it is truly a miraculous event. I have been pregnant 9 times, He has shown me the value of life and how life is granted at conception. I have had the unique opportunity to see over and over the glorious craftmanship of God as Creator. He has shown me His great faithfulness by pruning my branches through each trial. He has given me grace upon grace to praise Him in the storms. He's given me a song in my heart to sing to him when I don't have the strength or energy on my own to praise Him. He has shown me my utter dependance upon Him for everything. Before I spoke about how He is incomprehensible, and He is, but He is so gracious in revealing Himself to us to know enough about Him to love Him and to trust Him. Grace upon grace! Thank you Lord!