An Open Letter to Myself (School Year 2012-2013)

Dear Mendi,

I want you to read this letter every time you are weary, pouty, or just plain ready to give up.  There is no doubt that you will feel this way at least once over the course of the next 9 months.

Pray!  Pray, pray, pray.  You know that things always work out better when you have your attention and mind stayed upon the Lord.  Seek him!  Homeschooling is an excellent example of your dependence upon God.

Things can't go perfectly, just in case you forgot.  You are a sinful human raising sinful little humans.  You can be prideful and hardheaded and so can your students.  There will be times when you feel like screaming, and there will be times when you do.  It's in these times that you need to remember that every day isn't like this. Repent to God and ask your children's forgiveness.  That really teaches them a lot.

Remember that you are teaching children.  Let them be kids.  Remember you are teaching children while caring for a 9 month old and running a family business.  Go with the flow.

You are doing a fine job,  the fact that she's getting a one on one education tailored to her style of learning is a good indication that she's going to turn out just fine.

There are going to be bad days, get over it.  When that dark cloud hovers over your little schoolroom remember that tomorrow will always be better.  Remember that the Lord gives us trials to turn our hearts and prayers to him.

Don't forget why you are doing this.  You can give them every tool in the world to be a genius, get into what ever college or university they'd dream of, but if they know not Christ, it's all a waste.  It's for naught.  When they need math, first give them Jesus.  Show them the grace of Christ that was shown to you.  When they falter in their handwriting, give them Jesus.  They may never know how to spell idiosyncrasy, but if they can spell mercy and understand the word propitiation personally because that is who Christ is for them, they have it all.  Remember why you taught Dylan to read, so that she would have the power of God's word at her fingertips.  Don't ever forget that.  Your effort is in vain if it is not for a Gospel mission.  Show them grace in your dealings with them.  Remember how much long suffering the Lord has displayed and bestowed upon you, and give them that all the more.

Be a blessing to your children, they most certainly bless you.  Be an example to others and be not a burden to your husband.  Let his heart trust you in raising and educating his children.

Read this often.  You will forget these things all too quickly.

Pray. Pray. Pray.  Read your bible and apply it to your life- all of it.

Sincerely,
Mendi

Seeing the Physical with Spiritual Eyes

"She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.  She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar.  She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.  She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.  She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.  She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.  Her lamp does not go out at night.  She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.  She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy." Proverbs 31:13-20

Honestly, I had a really hard time finding a break in these next sets of verses in Proverbs 31.  This all seemed like a lot of "doing" and not a lot of "being" on the surface at first glance.  There seems to be much work and busy hands.  Yet, when you look at this through spiritual eyes and you see this woman, this bride, as not only a man's wife but the picture of the Bride of Christ and what she ought to be doing  on this earth until her Lord, her bridegroom returns, there is so much more here!  As the Bride of Christ, the church ought to be steadily out seeking to commit ourselves to Kingdom work.  Our hands must be willing to do what we are called to do.  We ought to be wise with the talents the Lord has given us, good stewards of the blessings he's poured out on our heads and use those things to spread the Gospel, provide for the needs of the family of God, and also seek to stretch out our hands to the needy, the widowed and the orphaned. We have but little time upon this earth to do what we've been commissioned by God to do, so we ought to, "make the best use of time." (Colossians 4:5)  

But also, as an earthly wife, this woman is a planner, a provider, a strong and able woman with a wise and keen mind.  Her beauty lies in her strength; that is what she dresses herself in.  But, as strong and wise and busy she is; She is also kind, tender and compassionate.  She not only looks to the needs of herself or her family, but she's looking for ways to be a blessing to those around her and even strangers.  What a beautiful picture of the Gospel.  Aren't you thankful that the Lord didn't limit his showering of grace and mercy upon the Jews only but also to the Gentiles?  I am very, very thankful for that.

So, where does that leave you and I?  Are we planners and need-meeters to our families as we most assuredly ought to be?  We should also be finding ways to be blessings to those around us.  Maybe there is someone around you that has every physical need met, but I submit to you that the most poor and needy are those without Christ.  I don't know about you, but I have far more people like that in my community and my own family than those with monetary needs.  And didn't the Lord say, "What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world yet loses his own soul?"  

Am I good for him?

"The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack in gain.  

She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life."  

Proverbs 31:11-12

When I taught youth girls with my husband, I used verse 12 many times to illustrate to them the importance of purity.  It is good for a young woman to remain pure for her future husband, it is good for him to enter into a marriage relationship with no past to overcome. It is good for young ladies to think about keeping themselves pure for their future husbands to do them good, not harm all of their days- even the days before they ever meet them.  Because of my sinful, godless past  I don't get that luxury, but God is gracious and has forgiven us as far as the east is to the west.

But what about now?

Trust. Which ways can my actions cause him not to trust me?  I believe a big one would be me not trusting him.  When he comes to me with big plans or decisions for our life, do I automatically shoot them down out loud, or even in my head for that matter?  Or do I show enough trust in him (ultimately the Lord) by entrusting my future to the one God has entrusted with protecting me?  I am quite thankful I have a husband that comes to me and allows me to give insight and input when we have a decision to make.  But we must remember that God has placed our leader before us to trust.  We can rest in their guidance because God is sovereign.

Obedience. What about taking care of things that I can take care of to take some of the burden from my husband?  When he asks me to do something, do I get it done?  When he gives me instruction do I always listen?  That would be a "No."  Would it honor both the Lord and my spouse to honor his word, his instruction to make sure I complete tasks around the home that are important to him?  That would be a "Yes."  Then I resolve to do better in this area.

Shopping.  Can my husband trust that I will be a responsible steward of the resources the Lord has provided us?  Do I splurge on a new dress at the expense of our tithes, our bills, our needs, or our food? Or do I disobey our budget?  (Ultimately, if you have a budget set and you are constantly crossing that line, you are in disobedience.)  Now, do I do this perfectly?  No, but God granted Jim and I great mercy long ago when we came to realize we were thoughtless spenders.  If we had it, we would spend it.  If we wanted something, we would go get it, and pay for it later.  If we needed to pay a bill, we didn't put money in the offering plate, but next time, if we had money, we would write a fat check.  But there was no discipline, consistency, or control to our monetary habits.  But God, rich in mercy, allows you to see your sin for what it is, like Dave Ramsey says, "One day you look in the mirror and say, "I'm fat!  How did I get here?"  Well, it didn't happen overnight, but one day you do see it and praise be to the Lord he gives you the tools to change.  My God doesn't leave you where you are.  So if this area has struck a cord with you, I would call you to repent seek the Lord, confess to your husband and put together a game plan.  It will be one of the most rewarding, freeing things you can do for your marriage and it is great testimony to honor the Lord with your finances.  I recommend Crown Ministries or Dave Ramsey.

Spiritually.  Am I ensuring that my husband has time to pray and read the Scriptures so that he may rightly teach and guide our family?  I'm not saying you should be beating him over the head with the bible telling him he should be doing more than he's doing.  I'm asking, "Am I freeing him up to have great gains in sanctification and spiritual leadership or am I bogging him down to do too many things I could be doing, is he having to come behind me to fix my mess ups, am I leaving him with little free time to seek the Lord on our behalf?"  I think I could do better in this area for sure.  I look at our life right now, things are a bit busy with a young baby, a toddler, a homeschooler and both working full time- so I know there are seasons in everyone's lives and it's superific awesome that my husband can help me as much as he does, but I don't want to give him tasks that would take away from the immense calling that God has placed on him.

So, fellow wives,  let us strive to bring about a great trust within our husbands.  Let us do our best to bring him comfort and joy in our presence and absence.  Let us do him good, and not harm, all the days of our lives.  Christ will certainly be honored by our obedience and we will be blessed because of it.

“Let the wife make her husband glad to come home and let him make her sorry to see him leave.” 

-Martin Luther

Boys!

On Wednesday,  we were able to see a healthy and already fast-growing baby boy at my sonogram!  Come November, Lord willing,  we will have another little boy in our home.  This will make the first time in both mine and Jim's lives that we live in a house where the males outnumber the females!

Let me tell you,  I started writing this blog entry this morning but barely got out "Boys!" when I heard a loud bang followed by a holler and cry from Lennox.  I found him on the ground next to the couch that he presumably fell off of and he had a mouth full of blood! Ahhh!  I suppose a lot more of that will be in my future if my next son is anything like Lennox!  He's okay.  He needed a quick hug from Mom and the he was off to the next adventure.  That is the biggest difference I see between my son and daughter.  Sweet, sensitive Dylan would have been huddled up next to me needing consoling for a good 20 minutes after an escapade like that,  Lennox was over it in a matter of seconds, literally.

Well, I better go, I hear change clanging around and Lennox likes to "re-arrange" my wallet.

In closing,  I am thankful for another child, regardless of sex.  I am thankful that God remains faithful even as my faith waivers. I am thankful for a good report at the sonogram and beautiful view of the creativity, wisdom and power of God.  Boys and girls are different.  God made them that way.

Saying you believe something and living like you believe it...

...are two totally different things.  I say I believe and trust God, and know what his word says about trials, his purposes and his sovereign hand; but standing and living on those promises are different than saying you believe them.  I have a sonogram tomorrow.  I try to act really tough and confident- trying to be super excited about possibly finding out if it's a boy or a girl, but in reality, my reality, my sinful, unfaithful natural state, I'm pretty much in "freak out mode."  I don't have the luxury or history of living in the blissful, carefree pregnant state that I so often envy.  I have had way more "bad" sonograms than good ones.  My eyes and my heart automatically scan the screen in a panic mode trying to see movement, a heart beat, anything that says "life" instead of "death."   I know that what ever the outcome of everything God has laid out before me is good, regardless of how it makes my flesh feel, because he is good and I do believe his promises and they have been tested and proved in my own life.  But I am still this fallen creature that tends to want the easy way out, the shortcut, the bed of roses that my flesh longs for on the way to glory.  I have seen the glorious things God does in my life with brokenness and despair.  He makes me to look to him, to cry out to the only one who can help me.  It is not a bitter place to be, it is sweet.  Yet my flesh still presses against it, flees from it.  My prayer is that whether there is weeping or rejoicing in life or death tomorrow, that I would take joy in the God of my salvation and never let my circumstances steal my joy in HIM.

8 weeks ago...

Eight weeks ago we were waiting for THE call, you know the THE ONE we could say yes to! 


Eight weeks ago we were waiting for THE little person to come into our lives, to potentially enlarge our family through adoption of the Lord so chose.


Eight weeks ago I was one day late for my period and God laughed at our plans.


Eight weeks ago we found out that God indeed answers a little girl's prayers for more brothers and sisters but he doesn't need us to help him along by attending a bunch of classes we were supposed to or getting recognized by the state to be fit to care for foster children.


Eight weeks ago we found out that God still wants us to foster and adopt children, but he had a plan to give us another via the womb!


Eight weeks ago a second little line on a pregnancy test didn't quench our desire for more children because we got "one of our own."


Eight weeks ago God showed his mercy, his grace and his sovereignty to our family who knew we believed in those things but now have more evidence of these glorious truths.


Here we are, eight weeks later, 12 weeks pregnant, puking my guts up, and I am praying and hoping that when I quit being so sick, we can get on the list to get a call to take a child into our home.  Call me crazy,  but I just so happen to think that we weren't wrong about God's will for our family- because he has called us to care for orphans, and not just if you can't have kids of "your own!"

Life is Changing!

Wow. We are just a few weeks from our lives changing forever. We are soon to be licensed as foster-to-adopt parents. That means as soon as we are licensed, we could receive a call to welcome a child into our home. We will be foster parents for the State of Texas first, and if the parents of the child(ren) cannot complete a service plan to be reunified with their child(ren), we will be able to adopt them. It is the most exciting, scariest place I have probably ever been in my life. We are so excited of the possibility of enlarging our family by these means and also somewhat scared to greet a child that could likely have a myriad of issues from abuse and/or neglect into our home and also anxious about the possibility of having to bid them farewell after we’ve fallen in love. But, our God is faithful and his will is perfect.


We do not have to be afraid. Every child that comes into our home will be there because of God’s will, and every child that leaves our home will not leave apart from his will. We will have each day as a gift with this child, no matter what tomorrow holds. We have the high calling of sharing the gospel of Christ with children that may not ever hear his name otherwise. We are called to be reverse missionaries. We will train them up in the way they should go however many days we are blessed with them. If God so chooses, they will be our son(s) or daughter(s) forever. God uses feeble men to save souls. We pray he would use our feeble, little family for his Kingdom’s advancement as well.

Caring for orphans is biblical and it’s the Christian’s duty. (James 1:27) Not everyone is called to be adoptive parents, but all Christians are called to care for orphans. You may not be called to adopt a child into your family, but you may be called to pray for someone who is, give financially to a couple who are willing to travel down the road or across the world to bring an unreached person into their family as an heir, and to your church to hear the Gospel.

Adoption is the Gospel. It is taking someone without a home or a name and giving them a hope and a future. It is what God did for you, if you are his. The King not only pardoned the slave, but he made him a son. He not only made a way for you to live outside the gate without fear of death, but he has brought you into the palace to sit at his table, not as a guest, but as his son. Praise God!

Maybe you have never thought of adoption before. Maybe you have but never realized it is a spiritual matter. Maybe you are called to pray for someone adopting, or maybe you are called to do the adopting. Either way, it is biblical and we are all called as Christians to care for orphans. May you glorify your Father by your service to those who cannot give back to you. It is a glorious Gospel. Ponder the wonder of your adoption today.

Pure and Undefiled Religion

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this:

 to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, 

and to keep oneself unstained from the world. 

James 1:27

He is Good

Our little Lennox is now 10 months old.  Ten months ago I was getting ready to give birth.  A little less than twenty months ago, I found out I was pregnant with him. I was scared to get pregnant again- but he will lovingly come along side his children and remind us of his wisdom and his goodness. His ways are higher than our ways and he is a merciful God who remembers our frame. (Psalm 55:9 & 103:14)  Why would God choose to take the lives of 7 of our babies and commission us to raise Dylan and Lennox?  Because he is God and he knows what he is doing when we do not.  

While I am so grateful that he has blessed us with Dylan and Lennox,  I want to be perfectly clear about this: even if he had not granted us a single child, and though I may have 2, 5, or even 10 more miscarriages in my lifetime;  God is infinitely good, incredibly wise, and perfectly sovereign over every single moment in my life.  Nothing is far from his hand.  Tested and proved.

We need to be reminded, a lot!

I finished up my reading of Joshua this morning and was struck by how profound and yet so simple these exhortations were.  We need to be reminded...




Be very careful, therefore, to love the LORD your God. -Joshua 23:11


and...


And now I am about to go the way of all the earth, and you know in your hearts and souls, all of you, that not one word has failed of all the good things that the LORD your God promised concerning you. All have come to pass for you; not one of them has failed. -Joshua 23:14


We are a forgetful, unfaithful people.  Our God, however, never forgets and is always faithful.


These words reminded me what I needed to be reminded of:


Stay near to him and love him.  My heart is prone to wander. He is faithful and does not forget his promises- and it has been proven time and time again in my life.  He is good! Amen!