Boys!

On Wednesday,  we were able to see a healthy and already fast-growing baby boy at my sonogram!  Come November, Lord willing,  we will have another little boy in our home.  This will make the first time in both mine and Jim's lives that we live in a house where the males outnumber the females!

Let me tell you,  I started writing this blog entry this morning but barely got out "Boys!" when I heard a loud bang followed by a holler and cry from Lennox.  I found him on the ground next to the couch that he presumably fell off of and he had a mouth full of blood! Ahhh!  I suppose a lot more of that will be in my future if my next son is anything like Lennox!  He's okay.  He needed a quick hug from Mom and the he was off to the next adventure.  That is the biggest difference I see between my son and daughter.  Sweet, sensitive Dylan would have been huddled up next to me needing consoling for a good 20 minutes after an escapade like that,  Lennox was over it in a matter of seconds, literally.

Well, I better go, I hear change clanging around and Lennox likes to "re-arrange" my wallet.

In closing,  I am thankful for another child, regardless of sex.  I am thankful that God remains faithful even as my faith waivers. I am thankful for a good report at the sonogram and beautiful view of the creativity, wisdom and power of God.  Boys and girls are different.  God made them that way.

The Importance of Reading

The written Word of God is a priceless gift given to us from his very hand.  What a selection of choicest fruits we have available.  Just recently Dylan has taken an interest in opening the bible and reading it for herself.  Will you pray with me that God's word will not return void?  He has a mighty hand, and he is able to save to the uttermost.  Dylan has started reading John 1.  What a good place to start!


"So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ."


 Romans 10:17

He is Good

Our little Lennox is now 10 months old.  Ten months ago I was getting ready to give birth.  A little less than twenty months ago, I found out I was pregnant with him. I was scared to get pregnant again- but he will lovingly come along side his children and remind us of his wisdom and his goodness. His ways are higher than our ways and he is a merciful God who remembers our frame. (Psalm 55:9 & 103:14)  Why would God choose to take the lives of 7 of our babies and commission us to raise Dylan and Lennox?  Because he is God and he knows what he is doing when we do not.  

While I am so grateful that he has blessed us with Dylan and Lennox,  I want to be perfectly clear about this: even if he had not granted us a single child, and though I may have 2, 5, or even 10 more miscarriages in my lifetime;  God is infinitely good, incredibly wise, and perfectly sovereign over every single moment in my life.  Nothing is far from his hand.  Tested and proved.

Be Intentional

This is the greatest advice I can give myself.  I have found much joy and much contentment in the last few weeks by purposing to be intentional in everything I do.  What are my intentions, you might ask?  To glorify God.  Wow, Sunday School answer, right?  Wrong!  I have a terrible habit of meandering through life half awake, blindly doing menial tasks with no purpose other than the fact that they need to be done.  I am guilty of not taking pride in my roles, and when I do take pride in them, it's the selfish, self-exaltation kind of pride- the kind the God of heaven abhors.  Not the pride a blood-bought redeemed child of God ought to take in serving others and serving her Lord- so that others will glorify my Father in heaven (Matthew 5:16).  So, I have tried very hard lately to not just do what I have to do because it needs to be done, but do it all as unto the Lord. (Colossians 3:17 & 23, 1 Corinthians 10:31)  Scripture doesn't suggest this principle, it commands it!

I have awakened to a joy in doing what I was made to do.  Not just as a human: to glorify God.  But as a wife: to serve my husband, to be his helper, to submit and trust him, as he submits and trusts our Lord; and as a mother: teaching Dylan about the Lord, homeschooling her, caring for Lennox; as an employee: serving my family, my father- who is my employer; as servant of God's Church and even very important as one who keeps a home organized and resourceful. 
When I know these are my God-given roles to fulfill and I am either being a false witness of His grace in me or I am being a purposeful servant of the Lord- it matters greatly!  If I will only begin a task with the mindset, "What I do matters greatly today- it matters to the Lord where my heart is when I complete this task and when I do this I am bearing His name,"- I can find great joy and contentment in even the smallest thing!  Sounds fantastic, doesn't it?

 So, why then, is it so easy to fall back into walking my blind little circles, just milling around completing tasks (or sometimes not even completing them!!)? It's. That. One. Word. Sin. Sin. Sin.  My old nature likes to fight hardily with my new identity.  We will fight this fight until we are with the Lord in glory.  I can not wait for that day!  In the mean time, being mindful, intentional and being self-aware and brutally honest with myself- that I can easily fall into that rut- is the best way for me to fight. I have written about the same thing here. I can't kid myself- and neither can you.  We have to be on guard against the ease of sin, the ease of idleness, and the ease of letting ourselves run on auto-pilot.  I think we can soundly say that if we are meditating on God's Word, meeting with him regularly in prayer, and surrounding ourselves with brothers and sisters that would spur us on to good works (Hebrews 10:24-25), and actually listening and taking care to meet the needs of others- as in our spouses and being careful to seek out ways to serve those in our body and in our community, we can beat this thing with the strength and power of the Spirit that lives in us.  This is the God of the universe- he made me, and he deserves to be the center of everything I do.  I am purposing the make that the truth in my life.  How about you?

How Will They Know if No One Tells Them?

 But how are they to call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching?  Romans 10:14

A few months ago, Dylan and I were snuggling in bed one early morning. She said to me in a voice filled with distress, “You know, I was talking to Hannah* about God, and she don’t really remember him.”

Dylan isn’t converted, and I pray that God would truly open her eyes to himself soon, but I am thankful that she has an understanding of who God is, not because we are some great parents, but because he has helped us understand the magnitude of our high calling as parents.  

I want Dylan to see her father and mother savor Christ.  I want her to be able to close her eyes and picture his character in her mind based not only on Scriptures she has been taught by us but by the vivid picture we paint of him in our lives, by stories we tell her of his faithfulness, discipline, love, omnipresence, and holiness.  I want her to see me at my wits end- and I want her to see me turn to him.  I want her to remember when things get tough and her heart is aching that her parents went through heartache and trials and rejoiced in them because, by God’s Spirit, they were able to recognize that those afflictions were blessings from God to make them more like Christ.  I want to know that though she may not KNOW him now, she knows about Him, she can in no way doubt his existence, his presence and his faithfulness in the lives of her parents.  I don’t want to fail her in this.  I pray that I would point her to Christ when she’s being disciplined, that she may know that these commands she has been given are impossible to keep apart from a change in her very nature,  I pray that God’s mercy would be reflected at times in me when I can show her that though she deserves much punishment, I will show mercy to her as the Father has shown much mercy toward me.  I pray that I show her humility and my own need of Christ when I deal with her wrongly and must ask for her forgiveness.

"And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.

You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” Deuteronomy 6:6-9

I think that these verses speak of what our goals as mothers, parents should be.  We should be breathing Christ to our children.  It shouldn’t always be like this, ‘Now sit here, open this bible and study this memory verse until you know God.’  Though, there is a time and place for that most certainly.  But Christ should be on our lips, in our hearts, in the way we speak to our children, the way we play with our children, the way we discipline them, how we drive in traffic, how we love our husbands, the way we pray, and how we serve our church.  I think in “writing them on the doorposts of your house,” it’s more than an actual written word, but a declaration by the life of your home,  “We are God’s people, we speak of him, we live for him; he is our identity.” 

May our children never say to us, ‘Why did you not tell me about God?”  May it never be said of our children, “They don’t really remember him.” 

We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord , and his might, and the wonders that he has done. He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments. Psalm 78:7

Worth saying again: Ten Reasons I Love my church...

I originally posted this in December of 2008, but it is worth saying again!  Too many times is the bride of Christ slandered and spat upon, but she is beautiful because she is loved by God.  Though the Universal Church is filled with imperfect sinners, it is being led and perfected by a most glorious, most perfect Savior.  He will complete His work, and she must strive to live for Him, no matter what comes against her. 

10. Godly Examples: I have so many examples of godly wives and mothers around me; women doing what they are called to do in Titus 2. My husband has a great group of godly men to surround himself with that strive to fulfill their roles as husbands in Ephesians 5.

9. My daughter has a wonderful group of children that I know and love to play with. I don't have to wonder about their parent's beliefs, question their home-lives and hope she is surrounded by at least a mediocre example of a biblical family. I know their home lives, I know their values and I know that they don't separate Sunday morning from the rest of their lives.

8. My pastor's wife: I love her, she's a great friend and dear sister to me, and I have never known a more godly example of biblical submission and meekness (controlled strength) in a woman as young as her. The beauty of the love for her husband makes me want to be a better wife to mine.

7. Fellowship: I know that lots of churches get together to "fellowship" and never speak of their Lord. Well, I have had more rewarding conversations in the last year with my dear brothers and sisters in Christ than I have had in a long time. And though we joke around are get silly, we do glory our in Redeemer and can't help but speak of Him.

6. A Desire for Holiness: For the most part there is a large group in our church that has decidedly began to strive for holiness. Through our own personal studies and through the teaching of our pastor, we have grown to know the Lord in such a way that we long to know Him more and long to do what pleases Him; Men who desire to be holy in all their conduct, mortifying the deeds of the flesh, loving their wives as Christ loves the church, and being both prophet and priest in their homes. Women who desire to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord and children who would strive to honor their father and mother.

5. My Pastor: He loves the Lord and you can see it in his life. You could come by his home unannounced and see that what he preaches on Sundays is what he strives to live out for the glory of God the rest of the week. He is a dear friend and loves to have fun, and is out to prove that Christianity isn't boring. He desires to rightly divide the Word of God and pours over the Scripture each week to ensure that he is able to do so. He loves the church and does his best to protect her from all ungodliness and understands the weight of his calling to keep guard over our souls. (Plug: Pray for your Pastor!)

4. Teaching and Application: Not only does our Pastor do a great job of teaching and urging the body of believers to learn and apply all that is in Scripture, but we have other men who use their gifts of teaching to do the same. We have women in our church that strive to teach the younger women in all godliness. We have fathers that do what they are called to do in teaching and raising their children up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. I am thankful that teaching is held in such high regard in this body.

3. Balance: We understand that we are to be ever-reforming. We understand that God is sanctifying Himself a people. But it is our greatest challenge in holding doctrine so highly that we do not go off into idolatry of doctrine and practices. I pray that we would continue to have balance and to remember the first things first: "Seek Ye First the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness. And all these things shall be added unto You. Matt. 6:33"

2. Truth: It is held in high regard here. We know who provides absolute truth and we understand the inerrancy of the Word and we do our best to apply these truths to our lives and pray that the Spirit would teach us all things. In a world where truth is relative, it is a wonderful solace to find a place that regards highly a word of Truth.

And the number 1 reason I love my church:

1. She's the bride of Christ and He holds her more precious to Himself than the apple of His eye, how could I not love her if I desire to be like my Lord?

The Ninth Commandment... According to Dylan

I am pretty sure that my dad is going to kill me for putting this out here on the Internet, so if you don't hear from me in a few days, come looking for me!  Seriously, though, my Dad exemplifies the qualities of a godly man as communicated in Psalm 1, but, as fallen man is, he is not perfect.  He does not make a practice of sinning and strives each day to walk in the Spirit and put to death the deeds of the flesh. With that said, this is a funny story that just goes to show you, your kids are listening, even when you think they are not. Each moment of each day is a teaching opportunity and is a gift from God of which we should take full advantage. Especially if we are to raise them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord.  This was also a very good opportunity to point Dylan to Christ, not to man. Daddy, Mommy, Nana, Papa, every person- even our pastor is a sinner in need of a Savior.  Let us always point our children to the only perfect One.

Several months ago, after Dylan had memorized all of the Ten Commandments, we began to go through the commandments and give further explanation of what it meant to break each one.  We tried really hard to give an example that Dylan could understand, and I think it went really well. Heeey, you try giving an example of the 7th commandment that your 4 year old can understand!

Anyway,  after over a week of this, it's needless to say that Dylan had the Law on the brain- complete with examples of breaking them!  She was spending time with my mom one day, when out of the blue she exclaimed, "Nana, let me give you an example of lying..."

First, you must know that one of Dylan's favorite things to eat is bean burritos, and not just any bean burritos, Taco Casa bean burritos.  There isn't a close Taco Casa to my parents home, so over a year ago, (yes, that long ago!) Dad went to get Dylan a burrito, but thought, "Hey, I will just get one from Taco Bell (ewww!) and say it's from Taco Casa... she'll never know the difference."  First off, Dylan noticed the different packaging, and pondered, "Hmmm, I guess they got new paper."  Then, she noticed the taste, and that was all it took, Dad was found out! 

Back to our story... Dylan said, "Nana, let me give you an example of lying.  One time Papa got me a bean burrito from Taco Bell and said it was from Taco Casa, he was lying!"

Well, Dad has since repented and it just goes to show you, God will use anybody as a source of conviction!

Love you Daddy!

The beginning of a series: According to Dylan

I have decided that you guys should start hearing some of what Dylan has to say. I really need to start writing down some of her phrases, because she is either unintentionally adorable or intentionally hilarious. I must share!

Preparing to expand our little family...

We are in the home stretch with Lennox. I am feeling well, just tired. I am battling a case of bronchitis right now that took me to the hospital last night because my doctor thought my shortness breath and elevated heart rate could be a sign of a blood clot on my lungs, which it could have been, but upon examination, it was not! Praise the Lord! We are so thankful for the Lord and how He has carried us through this pregnancy and every trial He has placed before us. God is faithful when we are not, He is good and His goodness is not dependent upon our circumstances.

I got word over the last two weeks that on the evening of December 27th, I will go into the hospital to be prepped for labor induction the following morning. I can't believe that in just over 2 weeks, Lennox will make his appearance into the world in person. This little person has been making himself known through crazy kicks and full body rolls for months now, and I think he is running out of room! His due date is January 18th, but because of the increasing risk of blood clots for both me and the placenta (which could place him in danger) He will be arriving 3 weeks early. Fine with me. He's already weighing about a pound less than Dylan at birth! According to the measurements, he is going to be a big boy!

I have so enjoyed this pregnancy, for many reasons. One namely, is that God has taught me not to hold on so tightly to people or pregnancies. Martin Luther's verse in "A Mighty Fortress is our God" really explains this biblical concept well: "Let goods and kindred go, this mortal life also: the body they may kill, God's truth abideth still, His Kingdom is forever!" We can not cherish things, even people above God, His truth, and His Kingdom. Those things- and those things alone, are eternal.

Thank you for all your prayers and support, I am asking that they continue in the last few weeks. I may not post again before he's born, but I hope to get a good photo post afterward!

What's in a name?

Naming a child is really a strange event. Permanent like a tattoo, but so much more powerful and weighty! The bible says that a good name is worth more than treasure! Seriously, though, it's almost crazy to think about. You have the power to name another human being. Well, we had already pretty much decided to on the middle name. I am a girl, I took Jim's last name, and I am an only child. We didn't want the Melville name to end with my dad, so Melville is to be the middle name of our little boy. It's definitely an honorable name, because when I hear Melville, I think of my Daddy, whom I love and respect very much. He is a godly man whose picture should be in the dictionary under the word: Integrity. My paternal great grandfather, Robert Melville, traveled as an immigrant from Scotland to the United States, and came through Ellis Island. We decided on a name that would continue along the Scottish legacy. Our son's name is: Lennox Melville Carlson. Lennox is the name of a Scottish Tribe. Anyway, we love the name, and before, we had come up with several that we liked but we didn't love. When we came across Lennox, we were both really crazy about it.

We thank the Lord for every minute he's given us with Lennox. We continue to pray for his health and future and we ask that you continue to do the same. Now, you have a name to pray for!

A Son...

Today we learned that God has given us a son. We are thrilled and, of course, would be with another daughter. I keep thinking of how God has adopted us as sons. Not just sons and daughters, but that He actually uses the term "sons." This means much to a gentile. A son was entitled to an entirely different inheritance that merely daughters were in that time. God doesn't just let us live as his children, but as his sons, like the firstborn among many brethren, that we may receive a full inheritance. What a joy, we are not stepchildren to God, but joint heirs with Jesus.


We'll tell you our son's name, when we know it! Until then, if you have any suggestions, feel free to post them as comments. Tyler, I know "Tyler the Great" is offered up, and I thank you so much for the permission to use it. hehe.

Valuing Life created in His image...

Well, we had our 17 week sonogram today. It went really well, except for the part we were all waiting for, you know, finding out if it is indeed the baby girl that Dylan is demanding or if we will put our daughter into shock by having a boy. We got two opinions from the doctor and the sonographer. Sonographer says its a boy and the doctor suspects a girl. Thanks, guys. The baby had its legs crossed in a "vise grip" position with the umbilical cord tightly tucked between. Thanks, baby. We do not care one way or the other, we are just delighted to be having another child. This is indeed a miraculous event before us. This is the phrase I have heard over and over during the last few weeks, "Well, as long is it's healthy, it doesn't matter if its a boy or a girl, right?" The answer to that is, "Right." Sort of. I don't mean to sound pesky about the way things are worded, but that question begs the implication that if my child is born unhealthy, I somehow may not want them anymore. Which, for the Christian is not true. We, as Christians are separated from the world in this: we value the lives of others above ourselves. We do not look at children with disablities and think that they are a nusance to our "perfect" little life, nor do we use the "pity" ticket as to say that it's not fair to bring a child with such birth defects or disablities into this world. Who are we to say who is worthy or unworthy to live every day that the Lord has given them? We do not look at an elderly person or a terminal cancer patient at the end of their life as someone whose life can be disposed of "humanely", so that they may die with dignity. We look at the trials the Lord has set before them as a blessing, not a curse. We see that what it says throughout the bible about trials refining the faith of a believer or drawing an unbeliever unto faith and repentance in our God. I see someone fighting through the pains and agonies of life with the grace and beauty of our Lord a way to die with dignity. I have seen it with my own eyes, old saints, drawing comfort and strength from their Lord and bringing Him much glory by their integrity in the face of death. It is glorious and it is supernatural. No strength of man can bring about this abiility, nor can we as Christians value life as precious as we do unless God has granted us a new heart and the power of His Spirit.

So, I guess my answer to the question I keep getting is: "Of course, I do pray that God would grant me a healthy child, but I will thankfully receive whatever child the Lord gives me, male or female, healthy or frail, this child will be beautiful and loved because he or she is created in the image of God." This child will be immediately given back to the Lord as an offering, just as Dylan was, so that we may raise our children, healthy or ill, in the fear and admonition of the Lord Most High.

The Incomprehensible God of Incomprehensible Grace

I suppose now is a good of a time as ever to share with my reader(s) some news on our homefront. I realize there may actually be a possibility that Tyler is not the only one that reads this thing. But, if he is, well, it just confirms what I already suspected of him- he’s awesome! You should check out Tyler's blog! Anyway, I digress...

Jim and I found out 7 weeks ago that I was pregnant again. The nurse and I counted up and this makes the ninth time. Oh, and praise the Lord, I am still pregnant! 10.5 weeks to be exact! We have seen 3 amazing sonograms with an amazingly strong heartbeat each time and my 8 week and 10 week sonograms have shown a baby measuring almost a week larger than our dating. I keep up with every detail of every cycle because I have lost a couple of pregnancies before I knew I was pregnant... needless to say, I try and find out each cycle at the earliest moment, if I am pregnant or not- that way I can start taking my hormones as soon as possible. I am 1.5 weeks away from being able to stop taking my daily hormone injections! Jim has been such a trooper to give me a shot in the rump every evening for the last 7.5 weeks, with one more week to go. In April of 2008, my doctor ran some new tests for miscarriage causes that were not available before Dylan was born and found out, in addition to my hormone deficiency, that I also have a blood clotting disorder that is exacerbated by pregnancy. So, in addition to my hormone injections, I have to inject myself with a blood thinner twice a day in the stomach and will continue that through out the pregnancy and until 6 weeks postpartum. Those are tiny insulin needles, much smaller and kinder than the gianormous muscular needles Jim has to stick me with each night. For this, I am thankful.

I am mostly thankful for God’s providence. I know I would not be here apart from His sovereign hand. I am thankful for medicines, doctors, tests and discoveries, but I know that for this to be taking place, it is God’s will. I know that this could all change tomorrow. I know I am not guaranteed a child in 6 months. I know that I had all of these issues while I was pregnant with Dylan and I only took hormones, and Dylan is here today. I know that my God is too big to understand fully. I am thankful that He is incomprehensible. I taught Dylan’s Wednesday night class that word a few weeks back, and I pray as she grows and experiences God’s workings in her own life, she will not just be able to say the word and repeat the definition, but she will know for certain that our God is INCOMPREHENSIBLE. And He is. And we can thank Him for that. Could you worship a god that you had “all figured out?” Would you WANT to worship a god that you had all figured out? He would cease to be God if we could fully understand Him. Would you be bored to death in Heaven if you knew everything about Him before you got there? All of eternity will not be enough time to exhaust knowing Him. He is worthy of our seeking to know Him more, but we will not be able to know everything about Him. He is far too amazing, too beautiful, and too glorious.

The last 7 months have been a roller coaster of change in our lives. I am so thankful that my God does not change. We’ve experienced losses of babies in utero since our family began in 2003 and 5 of them have been since 2007. We experienced a loss of a different type and magnitude in March when we had the opportunity to adopt a little 3 year old girl named “M” just seemingly fell in our laps. We got to meet her, and not that it matters, but she was adorable. She had dark, curly hair, against beautiful fair skin and gorgeous green eyes that smiled with her smile above round, freckled cheeks. We didn’t want to get our hopes up, but it seemed like a given. Her mother regretted not giving her up at birth, left her with people for weeks and months at a time without contact and one of her caregivers was introduced to us. We put together a photo album of our family and wrote her mother a letter. She responded favorably to the photo album and letter, couldn't believe that she'd come across a family like ours, and wanted us to adopt her daughter! She even wanted us to take her before we got the paper work drawn up, so she wouldn’t have to find someone to watch that weekend. Sad, I know. We kept getting these updates like: “They told “M” that she’s getting a new family and she’s trying to pack her things up!”; “Her mother is packing all of her baby pictures and hospital bracelets up for you to have.”; “She should be calling you for you to come pick her up.”; “M” is waiting by the door for you guys.” So, we told Dylan that she was getting a sister. We couldn’t very well let this little one show up with no advanced warning to Dylan. She was soooo excited! “My sister” this and “My sister” that. It was so encouraging. Then, after 2 days of painstaking waiting, we finally got word that she “needed more time.” We never heard back from her. She has found new people to watch “M” and hasn’t changed her parenting that we know of. We mourned this loss like any other, except this time was harder for us, I think. We have hope that our babies we lost in the womb are with our glorious Father in Heaven. We know “M” is still where she was before, in a bad situation. But we know God is merciful and we pray that He will reveal Himself to “M” and her mother and that they may become worshipers of the living God. We thought that this situation with losing “M” might discourage us from adopting. It gave us a greater zeal and desire to go and fulfill James 1:27 as followers of Christ. It’s about giving someone a chance to hear the Gospel that might never hear it otherwise; it’s about giving someone a family and a name by adopting them, just as our Father has adopted us into His Family! May each of us as believers fulfill our calling in James 1:27 to care for the orphans. No, not everyone is called to adopt, but everyone is called to this as believers. If you can’t adopt, maybe God is calling you to give to a young family that can’t afford to adopt; maybe He’s calling you to pray for families that are adopting children; maybe He’s calling you to make the glorious grace of adoption a mission for your church family to pursue. Whatever He’s calling you to do, you can rest assured that this is what He calls pure and undefiled religion:

“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” James 1:27

You were once not a people. Now you are God’s people. God has shown us that He not only pardons us by Christ taking on the wrath that we deserved, but He makes us sons and daughters. The King not only shows His mercy by granting us freedom, but the King invites us to share His name and is immeasurable riches as heirs of God, being joint-heirs with Christ! We don't just get to live, but we get to live in His kingdom! Can we not see the Gospel in adoption? Amen!

I recommend Dr. Russell Moore's new book: Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches. Dr. Moore and his wife have adopted two sons and he is the Dean of Theology at Southern Seminary. Dr. Al Mohler explains that his book is about adoption and the Gospel. There are many great books about adoption and many great books about the Gospel, but this book covers both, to paraphrase Dr. Mohler.

God has granted so much grace to myself and Jim. He has given us grace to be content in our circumstance as we have desired more children for some time now. He showed me my sin of discontent that I was harboring and graciously granted me repentance. He granted me peace so much peace in realizing I may not have another child through my womb. He has shown us the beauty and the Gospel of adoption. It truly is a beautiful doctrine and each one of us Christians can relate to. He has shown us how great He is, that He is the giver of life and it is truly a miraculous event. I have been pregnant 9 times, He has shown me the value of life and how life is granted at conception. I have had the unique opportunity to see over and over the glorious craftmanship of God as Creator. He has shown me His great faithfulness by pruning my branches through each trial. He has given me grace upon grace to praise Him in the storms. He's given me a song in my heart to sing to him when I don't have the strength or energy on my own to praise Him. He has shown me my utter dependance upon Him for everything. Before I spoke about how He is incomprehensible, and He is, but He is so gracious in revealing Himself to us to know enough about Him to love Him and to trust Him. Grace upon grace! Thank you Lord!

"...but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done."

I returned home from my first "Children Desiring God" conference last week. Wow. I received so much information, but by far, the most beneficial for me was ALL of the preaching and a particular seminar. The theme Scripture for the conference was Romans 11:36:

"For by him and through him and to him are all things, to him be the glory forever. Amen."

There were two convicting and convincing sermons on that subject in particular that truly set the stage why anyone would or should set out to minister the Gospel to anyone, most importantly in my case, to my children. The chunk of Scripture that was brought out that has stuck with me most, and I hope it doesn't leave is Psalm 78:2-11

"I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings from of old, things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done.
He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments; and that they should not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation whose heart was not steadfast, whose spirit was not faithful to God. The Ephraimites, armed with the bow, turned back on the day of battle. They did not keep God's covenant, but refused to walk according to his law.They forgot his works and the wonders that he had shown them."

We are to tell our children of the glorious deeds of the Lord so that they might tell their children and the generation yet unborn may know the Lord! We are to do all this, first and foremost for God's glory. Why for His glory? Because we are to be what God is about- The glory of His Name! What are the consequences to our children? Well, we would not want them to be like the Ephraimites, 'armed with the bow, but turning back on the day of battle.' There is a real battle going on and it is our responsibility as parents and the body of Christ to arm the coming generation with the "sword of the Spirit- which is the Word of God." I will enclose links to the sermons at the end of this blog entry, I urge each one of you to listen to them and heed the call that is there in the Scripture. How do we equip our children? By teaching them the Word of the Lord. Which leads me to my favorite seminar I attended at the conference: "Scripture Memorization" They made the comment at the seminar how important it is to have a full arsenal of scripture to be equipped on the day of battle. Say you lost a loved one, you were cut off in traffic and you reach for your quiver of arrows and all you have to choose from is a "John 3:16, Genesis 1:1, and maybe "Jesus wept." What do you do then? Well, of course the Holy Spirit can work with what you have, but it is better to gird up the loins of your mind and be prepared with God's word hidden in your heart! We have started church-wide Scripture memory to equip the saints with the Sword! Why as a parent should I memorize scripture? Well, firstly, to know God more fully. Secondly, to be equipped more fully, and thirdly, because when Dylan sees Jim and I reading our bibles, memorizing Scripture, she sees that this faith thing is for real, it's serious, and it's important to us. Dylan can memorize pretty much anything with ease, and if we do small sections at a time, she can generally memorize a large chunk of verses together! Our prayer is that with memorization of Scripture, the 10 Commandments, and her catechism questions, that God's glorious grace might be imparted to her one day and that His Spirit would apply all the truths in her head to her heart. Well, I will close for now. I am sure I will come up with more to write on this subject as it has really engaged my heart. One of the other things that was mentioned by David Michael of Desiring God was the Scripture that calls children "arrows" in a father's quiver. If they are arrows, they will be aimed at something, and as believers we want them to be aimed at Christ and His glorious Truth! I am so thankful to have a godly husband that desires not to keep these stories of old a secret from our child(ren) and that they might be armed and ready for the coming battle.

Here are the links to my favorite sermons, resources, etc from the Conference:

John Piper "The God-centeredness of God" (This sermon can be summed up beautifully in the first chapter of Piper's book,"Let the Nations be Glad!"
Bruce Ware "There is none besides Me"
Paul David Tripp "His story or your story? Who Reigns supreme in your heart?"
David Michaels "A God-centered hope for the Joy of the next generation"

Dr. Bruce Ware, a professor of Theology at Southern Seminary, recently wrote a book, "Big Truths for Young Hearts" and it is basically a devotional for fathers and mothers he put together based on the bedtime Theology lessons and Hermeneutics he taught his daughters growing up.

An Update on Us

Tyler is getting pushy, so here’s my latest report...

Dylan just celebrated her 4th birthday on March the 20th. She enjoyed time spent with her friends at a Cowgirl themed birthday party. We had a blast making the cake, grilling hotdogs, visiting with friends and family, having Stick Horse races and playing “Pin the Tail on the Donkey.” Dylan had lots of aspirations about turning four. For the entire month leading up to her birthday, she began most sentences with, “When I’m four...” These were thoughts on reading more, riding her big girl bike, etc, etc... Apparently, the pressure came to be too much on her, now she has been telling me she just wants to be three again. The girl is her own person, no doubt. I do see both Jim and I in her, but there are times when she does and says things and people ask, “Where does she get that?” and I just have to shrug my shoulders because, I have no idea! She is quite the comedian and has recently taken up “Knock-Knock” jokes. Some of them don’t have a punch line that makes any sense, but some of them she’s gotten down! She is still working on reading and is doing very well. She is beginning to recognize words without sounding them out and last night at church she read 1 John 4:19 to me. That is why we are teaching her to read, so that she may utilize the treasure that is God’s Word. I was so happy to see that accomplishment take place. I was publicly educated and I have nothing to say but I loved my teachers, well most of them, they taught me to read, they taught me to love to learn and for the most part, they had a positive impact on me-but none of them taught me the Gospel; but I am so glad that I was the one to teach Dylan to read and teach her a lot of other things and that her main focus on learning will be to the glory of God. I can teach her to read the bible, I can teach her about science, using creation, and most importantly, I get to be the one that is with her those eight hours a day! Besides Jim, she is my best friend and I am so glad God has blessed me with her!

Chester and Randall fighting to the finish!

Dylan and Daddy racing

Dylan and Lydia racing with tongues waggin'

Our Wild Mustang Cake

Our gift to Dylan was a swing in the tree in our back yard... needless to say, she loves it!

If her smile seems a little stressed, it is because she was just disciplined for disobedience. Training up a child in the way she should go does not stop at their own birthday parties!

My little Hambone!

Jim and I have been led by God to begin to pray about the possibility of adopting a child or children, if He so chooses to allow us to do so. He has truly opened our hearts to caring for a child as our own. He has allowed us to see the great beauty of adoption and especially the beauty of the doctrine of adoption as we see in Scripture in regards to Salvation. The fact that God would take us in, love us as His own, make us heirs with Christ, give us a name when were were “once not a people” and make us “God’s people.” How could we not want to do that for a child of our own? We would desire your prayers in this area of our life. We do not want to step out ahead of God, and we desire His will and perfect timing in these things. We have discussed this with Dylan and helped her to understand that Mommy may not have a baby in her tummy but that God may still give her a brother or a sister. She has thus requested a brother AND a sister. We shall see! We just want to honor God in what James 1:27 says, “Pure and undefiled religion is this: caring for orphans and widows and keeping oneself unstained by the world.”

Beverly and I will be attending the “Children Desiring God 2009” conference in MN at the end of this month. I have never been, so I am greatly excited to be apart of that. I am hoping that God would use this to grow me in both my spiritual walk, but also in my teaching of Dylan and the children at church. I began last month to teach the children that are Dylan’s age on Wednesday nights at church. So far so good! I am teaching them about the attributes of God using Desiring God materials and I am also introducing catechism questions each week. We started catechizing Dylan when she was almost three and it has been a tremendous blessing to see her learn and grow as well as us learning along side her! We pray that God’s Holy Spirit would come one day to apply the truths she has learned to her little heart. We are also going through The Attributes of God by A.W. Pink as part of our family devotional time.

We started “Mentoring Men” and “Mentoring Women” classes a few months ago at church and that has been a tremendous blessing to our body already. I have seen the men grow and step up to the challenge of leading their homes and strengthening the body by growing in love and wisdom. May God be honored by strong men in the church! We ladies, as well, have learned a great deal about what it means to be woman. We certainly cannot look to society to teach us that, so we are ever thankful for God’s Word to direct our steps and light our path.

In other news, Dylan got pony! Her name is Sunny and all I can say is that Dylan has Papa wrapped around her finger! Here's a photo of Dylan and her new buddy...






Well, that is all I have to give right now, so I will close!

Love and Blessings,

Why do you do what you do?

As I was sitting here thinking of which passing thought to write upon, it hit me. Why do I want to write this blog? Seriously. Why? Is it some writing itch I've been scratching at for most of my life? Yes. Is it to keep my friends and family updated on things and thoughts that run through our lives on a day to day basis? Yes. Is there a vain bone in my body that would like to think more than my husband reads this thing? Oh, I am sure. But, but, but? Do I do it for the glory of God? Oh, I certainly hope so. I have noticed, and I hope this entry will cause you to do so as well, when I do something as unto the Lord, I have the most joy and I feel closest to Him. And when I do something for my own vain glory and for my own selfish gain, I can actually FEEL my wretchedness. So here I sit, asking you, "Why do you do what you do?" We all have our "thing." We also have those mundane tasks that we all have to do on a daily basis. It doesn't matter how useless the work may seem to us or how wonderful it may seem to us; if we are not doing it for the Lord, it is nothing.

"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."
1 Corinthians 10:31

Do you want to know something? I think that is a command. And I think if we aren't striving to keep this command in all things, we are in sin. May God grant us repentance.

When I was thinking about what to write I had just spoken with a dear sister that had lots to do around her home to prepare it for her husband to hold a lunch there tomorrow. I reminded her first of all, to work diligently as unto the Lord; secondly, to remember who she is serving: Her Lord, the wonderful husband He has blessed her with; and God's children at this luncheon. This is key. We not only should be doing everything FOR the Lord, but this should also lead us to worhsip Him more fully, knowing that we can do NOTHING apart from the Lord, no matter how simple the task may seem, we couldn't even lift a finger apart from His abundant grace. Have you ever heard the hymn, "I need Thee every Hour?" Annie Hawks wrote that hymn and this was her response to the question of how she came to write it.

"One day as a young wife and mother of 37 years of age, I was busy with my regular house hold tasks. Suddenly, I became so filled with the sense of nearness to the Master that, wondering how one could live with out Him, either in joy or pain, these words, “I Need Thee Every Hour,” were ushered in to my mind, the thought at once taking full posession of me."

When you remember that you couldn't complete a task apart from Him, how could you leave Him out of the "why" you are doing the task?

We must be mindful of ourselves, our attentions, our intentions, and our tasks in such a way that we are always bringing our motives behind things before the throne of Grace. When we ask ourselves why we are doing something, we should be asking ourselves if it is pleasing to our Lord and honoring to His name. Jim and I have been teaching Dylan to read and in doing so, we are trying to instill in her why we are doing it. We want her to be able to read because it is an important gift from God. He has blessed us with His Word in our own language, men died so that we may be able to have it; and we should desire to read so that we may know what He requires of us, what He says about who we are, and most importantly what the true Gospel actually is. We need to be careful that in teaching her to read at a young age, we do not pride ourselves in her accomplishment. We have to remember every gift is from above and it's not of our own ability that we can do anything.

Well, God just reminded me today to check my motives on all things, to do everything for Him, and to joyfully serve in any way I can for that brings Him glory. May He grace you with the same remembrance as well.

"Grace that is Greater than all My Sin"

Our family just learned that we have lost another child in miscarriage. I just wanted to share some of my struggles through this in hopes that it would help others learn to trust the God most High in all circumstances.

I must first say, sometimes when God is pressing down hard on you and though you know He is doing it in supreme love because His desire would be to conform you into the image of His Son, it still hurts and the weight is sometimes unbearable. I want you to know that in my experience, this is when you cry out to your Father for mercy, and this is exactly what He wants you to do. He wants you to be pushed to a point when you realize nothing or no one else can provide you with what you need, but God. Our greatest example of love and obedience to Him is TRUST. When we believe what He says and we obey, it shows our trust in Him.

I know what He says is true, but I must act in belief. I have had my little “freak out” moments where I know what He says but I have failed to trust in His word. I have had my “what ifs” and I have forgotten that in the trials He’s placed in my life in the past, He has been always truly faithful, not only for my own sake, but mostly for His Name’s sake. He has said He will never leave me or forsake me, and through six miscarriages, He hasn’t left me or forsaken me. He has pulled me through the fire, burning off dross, cleansing my life of sins I would have never been able to see in myself had they not been exposed by tragedies. He has been faithful to love me even though it hurts my flesh, He has done what’s best for me, not want makes my flesh comfortable. I listened to a sermon on Job and Piper explained it very well, I shall paraphrase: “Job was a righteous man, but that did not mean he was without sin. God used Job’s trials to stir up a “sediment” of sin in his life. His waters of his life were clear until he started losing things and then the storm started to stir up the sediment sitting at the bottom of the glass.” When that sediment is stirred up and exposed, then it can be dealt with. On the outside we can appear to “have it all together” and fool ourselves into thinking we are doing just fine, but thanks be to God, He does not leave us in that state of self-righteousness. He sends those storms in our life to expose sin for what it is, and then does what it takes to sanctify our lives for His glory. 1 Peter 1:6 speaks of “various trials.” Each child of God will face a different trial, but each trial has the same purpose, to prove the genuineness of our faith. Glory be to God, He does exactly what needs to be done in my life and yours to conform us into the image of His beautiful Son. John Piper called the precise discipline of the Father on His children,” not the Executioner’s Whip, but the Scalpel of the Loving Surgeon.”

Something else I have learned through this latest loss is that though my heart is hurt and I may be deeply saddened by the loss of another child, what do I have to be most thankful about? The beautiful mystery of Salvation that God so lovingly worked out in my heart and in my life! Am I sad? YES! But, I’m SAVED! Glory! This lesson really led me into a glorious truth that I had not known in my life in this way until now...

We must have a longing for HOME. When God sanctifies us and sets us apart to holiness for Himself, we begin to long for the place of holiness. God places hardships on our lives in this world so that we do not get comfortable here. We ought not find comfort in the world. I have learned this week a deeper longing for Home. I have a new found longing to be with my Father that I did not have before. I praise Him for that. In God’s glorious providence, I was reading a book that spoke of this longing soon after He revealed this in my heart. The dear old saint J.C. Ryle spoke of this world being our “Inn”, we find no rest here, and we ought to be greatly concerned if we do. We ought to grow each and every day in a deeper longing to be with our Lord. Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.


I am sure this is just the tip of the iceberg, and God has much more to show me and teach me about my abyss of sin and his immeasurable grace to cover it. I pray that by His glorious Spirit, the depths of His written Word, and the love and tenderness of His Bride that I would continue to kiss the rod, for I know it is the ultimate display of His love for me, as His child. I cannot comprehend the vastness of God, that He would give me the ability of love Him and not curse Him, and that He would show me the difference between “Happiness” and “Joy.” Everything will fade and fail, but God and His Word will last forever. May that be our joy. Mark 13:31 Amen.

A Carlson Update...

Well, Tyler, this one's for you, and well for anyone else thinking what Tyler was only brave enough to say! I can write and update on our family and write of spiritual things simultaniously, because that is how we ought to live. We MUST look into our lives and see God so intermingled within every aspect of them, and if we do not see this, we are not truly living a life consecrated to Him.
You asked for it Mr. Looper! Here are some pictures of us over the last month or so and an update us in general and then more specifically, our quest to enlarge our family...

God desires that we walk in His statutes and all of His promises are true. We have lived in Fort Worth since we were married in 2003 in the wonderful home that my grandfather built in 1952. My father grew up there, I did, and then my parents graciously gave us that home in which to start our own family. Without the provision of God and giving heart of my parents, I do not know where Jim and I would be today. We lived our lives as singles believing the lies the world taught us about money, and we also had begun to carry those beliefs into our marriage. We were in sinning with our money. We were in debt on stuff we didn't need, we were not tithing regularly, and we were living beyond our means, and also not saving. All of these excerises are sin based on the principles of Scripture. God really convicted Jim and myself of these sins, and our merciful Lord granted us repentance. We began studying the bible on these subjects, we started studying Christian financial principles by different teachers and most importantly we began to apply the truths of the Scriptures to our hearts and our lives. We put into action what we had learned. We became "doers of the Word" not just hearers. It has been hard work, it takes lots of prayer and discipline, and we could not have succeeded without the power of God enabling us to do so. We were once in debt to many for things we did not need. We began paying bills one by one, until they were all but gone. We put our old home on the market, and we were able to sell it and purchase a new home within a 6 week time frame. The "old" us would have had all the debt we accrued before and then also a new home payment along with it. But God taught us patience and endurance, and delayed gratification. Thank you, Lord, for that. Our desires were to be able to move into the same town in which our church buidling resides, so that we would live within the community in which we minister and to live closer to family, friends, and our family business. The Lord has graciously provided. His ways are right and true, and if we would have gone about getting our desires on our own we would have failed and we would be in opposition to God's precepts and His will.
Just look at what Psalm 37:3-6 says,"Trust in the Lord , and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord , and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord ; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday."

We have seen the truth in that lived out in our lives. I praise God for giving us strength to obey and eyes to see what is unseen. God gave us the desires of our heart BECAUSE we took delight in Him, and because we delight in Him our desires change from worldly desires into desiring God's will. When your delight is in the Lord, your desires change into godly ones.

So, in June 2008, we moved into our new home just 8 minutes from church! It has been a wonderful blessing. Our wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ were so helpful in moving and painting. They are awesome. God's bride is beautiful and growing ever more precious in our sight. We love them and do not know what we would do without them. We are a body and Christ is our head.

We began homeschooling Dylan over the course of the past year. It has been a tremendous blessing already, in that we are able to bring Dylan to the office with us. The uniqueness of my situation allows me to fulfill my wifely duties as keeper of the home, as well as being an industrious wife (both of which are described in Proverbs 31) who helps in making our family business a successful one. Dylan has a classroom area at the office and we greatly enjoy it. We have a bible time, then I am teaching her to read using a great resource called Teach your Child to Read in 100 easy Lessons by: Siegfried Engelmann, Phyllis Haddox , and Elaine Bruner. We are on lesson 23 currently and Dylan can read some simple words. We are teaching her that the most important reason to learn to read is so that we may read God's Word. We are reading some abridged classics as well. We will move onto unabridged when she's a little older, at 3 1/2 years it is a little hard. We just started Black Beauty today and we recently finished Heidi. I recently reduced my work week to 4 days and it has already proven productive. Dylan and I are able to spend some great time together and I am able to teach her to do things around the house. She helps me throughout the week as well, but this seems to be our own special time together. We are able to get things done on Friday that allow us to spend our Saturdays and Sundays with Daddy. We will surely use some upcoming Fridays for "field trips". It has been a joy to take part in educating my child. I know that God calls us to raise our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord and I pray that as parents we will always take that seriously. As for us, the best way we can do that as a family personally, is to homeschool our child. I am so thankful to the Lord for giving us the unique opportunity to do what we are doing. I am also thankful to my father for providing us ways in which to do so and also catching the same vision as he sees His Lord raising up a godly heritage within his family.

Most of you either know by knowing us or by reading this blog that we have a desire to have more children, but the Lord has not yet granted our petition. We went through 2 miscarriages before we had Dylan and then 2 more after Dylan in late 2007 and early 2008. But most of you do not know we just had another loss that we did not even know about until it was too late. I had an appointment with a new doctor and we have some new treatment options. I have a blood clotting disorder that did not know about until May 2008 and I also have an issue with egg development and hormones. So there are many new medications that are out there to treat these disorders that will hopefully prevent further losses. I would not trade my miscarriages and heartache for anything. I believe my Lord knows best and I believe what 1 Peter chapter 1 says is true. I know that God addresses each one of His children's sanctifcation personally. He gives us various trials so that our faith can be purified. I love my God for that. He does not react to situations, He brings them about. When you are a child of God, there are no accidents and no tragedies. He is Truth and His Words are truth and as a believer, we ought to quietly rest in His sovereignty. I know that without His Spirit it would be utterly impossible to make those statements, so I am thankful He's given Him to us. We still hurt when these things come about, but we also rejoice! We give a testimony about our Lord, we can't help but speak of Him, we can not help but tell others of how He is working in our lives. Well it is most easy to thank the Lord when things go our way, but it is a much more beautiful testimony to sing praises to Him when they don't. Your words seem to have more weight and more richness, and more belief about them when you speak sweetly of Him when things are not all right. Trials are an opportunity to know Him more, praise Him more, and love Him more. Children are always closer and more dependent on their father when they are humbled into KNOWING they need him. Let us not forget in times of plenty that we need Him just as much as in times of want. Do not cry out to God to take this cup from you for your comfort, for He may be giving you this cup so that you may ask for more of Him.

Prayer Requests for us: That no matter what, our focus would not be turned from Christ; that I would not desire more children above my Lord and my desire and petition would be that of Hannah's in 1 Samuel 1 & 2 and that I would not just give sacrifices of praise back to God for granting my desire, but that I would give my children to the Lord fully and wholly. And if the Lord chooses not to grant us more children, that I would praise Him all the more.

I pray that our testimony and update will be a blessing to you, reader, and that you would continue to grow in your love of your Lord and that you will follow Him with all you have. But most importantly, I pray that each of us knows that nothing is more important than to give God the glory that He is due.

As Silver Refined

On March 14, 2008 Jim and I went in for another sonogram at almost 8 weeks pregnant and the results confirmed what I had already suspected… The baby did not grow as it should. There was no heartbeat, only a very underdeveloped baby. I had not experienced the extent of morning sickness that I usually do with pregnancy, so I had already had a hunch that things were not going well.

The good news is that upon this loss, I was able to find out that with my only term pregnancy (Dylan), I was actually taking double the hormonal dosage that I have been with these last two pregnancies that ended in miscarriage.
I won’t pretend that I have this all figured out or that I don’t struggle with sorrow or grief, but I have learned through trials and the Word of God that everything that I am told by this world to think and to feel is the complete opposite of the eternal mind-set that God calls us to have.
I feel pressed down hard by God. But the comforting thing is that it is HIS hand that is on me. I can go to the scriptures and see that He is doing this to purify me and conform me to the image of His Son; to make me more like Christ. At this point in my life I feel incredibly loved by God. He loves me enough to do what is best for me, even if it means that I hurt. That is what a true parent does for His child. His hand is moving in my life to give me the greatest good, which is becoming more like Him. Hebrews 12 speaks of the discipline from an earthly father and our heavenly Father: "For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:10-11
I have assurance from His word that in His grand plan, His glory and my good never supersede one another. My good is never at stake for His glory, nor does He sacrifice His glory for my good. They are in a harmonious balance. Everything He does is both for His glory and my good. What a wonderful comfort I can find in that! God’s wonderful plan to truly display His glory to all people includes doing me good all the days of my life.

"…I will not turn away from doing good to them. And I will put the fear of me in their hearts, that they may not turn from me." Jeremiah 32:40b

Have you heard the stories of how they purify gold and silver? They heat the metals up to a heat in which the precious metals are not burnt, but liquefy, at this melting point, the "dross" floats to the top. Dross is all the scum and impurities that are within. They then can scrape the dross off of the top and the outcome is a more pure silver or gold. They do this over and over to create a more pure form. God does the same with His people and the bible testifies to this. The important thing to take note of in the purification process is that the gold or silver is not consumed by the heat, not burnt up. The same thing happens with us, we are heated up so hot to cleanse us of impurities, but not so hot to destroy us. What a beautiful picture of the care God takes in refining us. He cleanses us for our good and for His glory. The old hymn "How firm a foundation" beautifully proclaims this truth:
"When through fiery trials thy pathways shall lie,My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;The flame shall not hurt thee; I only designThy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine."

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers." Romans 8:28-29

Our good that is worked out in His purpose is to conform us to Christ!

"Bless our God, O peoples; let the sound of His praise be heard, who has kept our soul among the living and has not let our feet slip. For you, O God, have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried." Psalm 66:8-10

"… and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested. They will call upon my name, and I will answer them. I will say, "They are my people’; and they will say,"The Lord is my God." Zechariah 13:9b

"In this you rejoice, thou now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith-more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire-may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." 1 Peter 1:6-7

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4

Before all of this happened, I decided to purchase 2 new cds. One I knew the songs on, another I didn’t. I couldn’t decide which cd to purchase that I was not familiar with, but I did see one that was a collection of songs based off of an old book of Puritan prayers. I thought that has to be good. Well, I must praise God for inclining me to that purchase. The first song on the CD says it all and exactly what I needed to hear. Here are the words based on a prayer written by an old Puritan hundreds of years ago…
When You lead me to the valley of vision
I can see You in the heights
And though my humbling wouldn’t be my decision
It’s here Your glory shines so bright
So let me learn that the cross precedes the crown
To be low is to be high
That the valley’s where you make me more like Christ
Chorus:
Let me find Your grace in the valley
Let me find Your life in my death
Let me find Your joy in my sorrow
Your wealth in my need
That You’re near with every breath
In the valley
In the day time, there are stars in the heavens
But they only shine at night
And the deeper that I go into darkness
The more I see Your radiant light
So let me learn that my losses are my gain
To be broken is to heal
That the valley’s where Your power is revealed

Every circumstance you are in is for a purpose. It may be to draw you to God for the first time, or draw you back to Him if you have strayed; it may to make you realize you have a desperate need to be reconciled to God through Jesus Christ. Whatever your circumstance, whatever your trial, my prayer for you is that you would seek after God and feel your desperate need of Him.
It is a glorious thing to rest in God’s sovereignty and power in your life. God grants me the faith to believe upon His word and promises because they are truth and He is truth. That was Jesus’ prayer for you as well. "Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth." John 17:17

When God leads you into the valley, may it be a valley of vision for you, to clearly see His glories. Rightly honor Him by knowing that it is His sovereign hand that leads you to both mountains and valleys and His purpose for those valleys were written before one of your days every began. "… in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them." Psalm 139:16b

So based on this Scripture, along with hundreds of others; God not only knows the future; the whole story, the God of that created the universe, wrote the story!
May the magnitude of His glory, knowledge and power cause you to fear Him, revere Him, and long to know Him.

What do you hope in?

If you didn't already know, Jim and I were expecting a baby in mid June 2008. We had a sonogram at 7 weeks and saw a great little heartbeat and began spreading the news. I have had 2 previous miscarriages before Dylan so we waited until we saw a heartbeat to share. I went in on Tuesday, November 20th for my 10/11 week sonogram and saw no heartbeat this time and the growth chart showed that the baby died about a week prior to the sonogram. We are so sad, but it is here that the glory of God comes in. You see, apart from Christ, I would be a mad and bitter person cursing God for what has happened. I mean, I have lost 3 babies! Is that fair? Let me tell you something, you don't want fair. Fair is that we have all sinned against a holy and righteous God and deserve death and hell. (Romans 3:23-26) He is given me, and you, if you are living and breathing right now, grace to live another day. If you have not given your whole life over time him, it is only a matter of time until you get "fair." I know that I may sound harsh but I am going to use everything that God has given me to urge you to come to Him. I plead with you for your life. It doesn't matter whether you believe in God or Hell, this is real. If you stood in the middle of the interstate and said I don't believe in Mack trucks and an 18 wheeler came barreling at you, it would still hit you and you would still die. Jim and I love all of you and we urge you to seek the LORD. You see, because I have Christ and hope for eternal life, I don't hope in the things of this earth, I know that this isn't all there is. I don't have to hold on to relationships and possessions to give me a sense of security. Those things will pass away; men and women in your life will fail you. But Christ will not...:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

I can look to God in prayer and in His Word for my hope and for things sure.

"We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain," Hebrews 6:19. So often when we say "I hope" it means something other than what God and Scripture says hope means. My hope is SURE and an ANCHOR. It's is not something fleeting and unattainable. My hope is built on Christ who created the heavens and the earth. I have nothing to fear when my hope is built on Him.

I can then turn to:

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

I can look at the above verse and I know that God is bigger than me and he is using my trials or more specifically, my miscarriages for my good, and probably yours—He is given me an urgency to share with you about Him and His greatness. I know that He works all things for my good, but do you have this assurance? Do you realize that everything happens for a reason? You do understand that before the dawn of time, God would ordain that you read this blog by me? That you would sit down and read from my experiences and more importantly God's word, so that you may know Him who created you? That you could possibly come to Christ? I know that He is using this loss in my life to draw me closer to Him, but also so that you may see in my life what it means to be a child of God. That you would be amazed that someone who has been through what I have been through and what I am going through and see me point to Christ and His glories? I know that without Him I could not respond in rejoicing in Him, but I would be self-centered and angry. But because of Him I have set my eyes on what's above. So that you may see how truly life changing He is.

Yes, I am so sad, I miss my baby and I would have liked this to never happen, but I can rejoice in the fact that God is refining me into His image with this and I can know that greater things are in store for me because of His love and purpose. If just one of you stops to consider your life and eternity because of my situation, it was all worth it. I am still hurting, but I can also rejoice in the fact that God is in control and He never once lost control in my life, He knows what He's doing and will do a much better job than myself (that is an understatement!)

I am so thankful to God for enabling me to say with Job:

"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." Job 1:21

He is God, He knows what's best and whether He gives or He takes, I will bless His name, by the grace of God.

So I urge you, to examine yourself, seek after God and His Word and ask yourself the important questions. What/Who am I living for? If it isn't Christ, you must do something about it. Plead with the Lord to change your heart and its desires. Only He can. Don't put your hope in earthly things, place your hope in that sure anchor that is Christ.
"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.
And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever." 1John 2:15-17