Yet in spite of this word you did not believe the Lord your God

This morning, I run into the bathroom to share with Jim what the Lord showed me in His word over a quiet cup of coffee.  Some days He shows me great encouragement, some days grave conviction.  Today was the latter.  As I look up at Jim with bible in hand I say, "I'm a stupid Israelite." 
Now, I don't believe that Israelites are actually stupid, in a degrading sense, I just believe they are sinful humans and God uses examples of other sinful humans to humble me, convict me, and show me I'm not smart, but stupid too.

Deut. 1:29 Then I said to you, ‘Do not be in dread or afraid of them. 30 The Lord your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, 31 and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the Lord your God carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way that you went until you came to this place.’ 32 Yet in spite of this word you did not believe the Lord your God,33 who went before you in the way to seek you out a place to pitch your tents, in fire by night and in the cloud by day, to show you by what way you should go.

Okay, we have all been guilty of scoffing at the Israelites as well as Jesus' disciples when we read of their unbelief, their stubbornness, and their complaining. I have even caught myself doing this and questioned my own heart- "Seriously, would I be found faithful or faithLESS if I had been confronted with these things in those days? We wonder how they could struggle with unbelief when they actually SAW with their own eyes God's faithfulness shown in His miracles, element-controlling, and power. I ask you, as I ask myself, how is it that we struggle when we have seen His power and miracles displayed in our own lives? How is that I have observed Him miraclously change my heart from a cold, hard piece of stone that is at enmity with Him into a soft piece of flesh that loves Him? How is it that His words are powerful enough to call the earth and the fullness there of into exsistence; powerful enough to divide the thoughts and intents of a man' heart like a two-edged sword (Hebrews 4:12), powerful enough to sanctify me and yet when trials come, afflictions rise, I go to my own strength, my own thoughts, my own devices to solve them, or fret over them? If His word isn't powerful enough, what is? Nothing! And not only that, as the Israelites and the disciples, I have seen with my own eyes His faithfulness towards me and yet I hesitate to trust Him nearly every time. My first reaction to is to have the wind knocked out of me when I am hit with some sort tempest. One of my favorite Anne Hawks hymns says,

"But, oh, when gloomy doubts prevail- I fear to call Thee mine.

When springs of comfort seem to fail and all my hopes decline...

Yet gracious God where shall I flee? Thou art my only trust

and my soul would ever cling to Thee though prostrate in the dust.

Hast Thou not bid me seek Thy face? And shall I seek in vain?

And can the Ear of Sovereign Grace be deaf when I complain?

No, still the Ear of Sovereign Grace attends the mourner's prayer.

Oh, may I ever find access to breathe my sorrows there."

 Afflictions turn my cry to God and away from myself. He delights each time our hearts and cries are turned to Him. He is turning my faith to Him instead of other things or self. Though I doubt and struggle with unbelief and faithlessness, He is faithful to bring me to His word to help me to see how much I lack and how I can look back and see how faithful He has been countless times before and how I can trust Him. He is going to deliver me. He may not deliver me from afflictions or trials, though He might, but He will certainly deliver me from my lack of faith and He will strengthen my faith and my trust and my hope in Him alone. If my Redeemer pleads my pardon with His blood, He will certainly deliver me from my lack of faith. He is trustworthy and He can not deny Himself. He will keep His covenant for His own glorious namesake. Praise Him for His faithfulness!

Why do you do what you do?

As I was sitting here thinking of which passing thought to write upon, it hit me. Why do I want to write this blog? Seriously. Why? Is it some writing itch I've been scratching at for most of my life? Yes. Is it to keep my friends and family updated on things and thoughts that run through our lives on a day to day basis? Yes. Is there a vain bone in my body that would like to think more than my husband reads this thing? Oh, I am sure. But, but, but? Do I do it for the glory of God? Oh, I certainly hope so. I have noticed, and I hope this entry will cause you to do so as well, when I do something as unto the Lord, I have the most joy and I feel closest to Him. And when I do something for my own vain glory and for my own selfish gain, I can actually FEEL my wretchedness. So here I sit, asking you, "Why do you do what you do?" We all have our "thing." We also have those mundane tasks that we all have to do on a daily basis. It doesn't matter how useless the work may seem to us or how wonderful it may seem to us; if we are not doing it for the Lord, it is nothing.

"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."
1 Corinthians 10:31

Do you want to know something? I think that is a command. And I think if we aren't striving to keep this command in all things, we are in sin. May God grant us repentance.

When I was thinking about what to write I had just spoken with a dear sister that had lots to do around her home to prepare it for her husband to hold a lunch there tomorrow. I reminded her first of all, to work diligently as unto the Lord; secondly, to remember who she is serving: Her Lord, the wonderful husband He has blessed her with; and God's children at this luncheon. This is key. We not only should be doing everything FOR the Lord, but this should also lead us to worhsip Him more fully, knowing that we can do NOTHING apart from the Lord, no matter how simple the task may seem, we couldn't even lift a finger apart from His abundant grace. Have you ever heard the hymn, "I need Thee every Hour?" Annie Hawks wrote that hymn and this was her response to the question of how she came to write it.

"One day as a young wife and mother of 37 years of age, I was busy with my regular house hold tasks. Suddenly, I became so filled with the sense of nearness to the Master that, wondering how one could live with out Him, either in joy or pain, these words, “I Need Thee Every Hour,” were ushered in to my mind, the thought at once taking full posession of me."

When you remember that you couldn't complete a task apart from Him, how could you leave Him out of the "why" you are doing the task?

We must be mindful of ourselves, our attentions, our intentions, and our tasks in such a way that we are always bringing our motives behind things before the throne of Grace. When we ask ourselves why we are doing something, we should be asking ourselves if it is pleasing to our Lord and honoring to His name. Jim and I have been teaching Dylan to read and in doing so, we are trying to instill in her why we are doing it. We want her to be able to read because it is an important gift from God. He has blessed us with His Word in our own language, men died so that we may be able to have it; and we should desire to read so that we may know what He requires of us, what He says about who we are, and most importantly what the true Gospel actually is. We need to be careful that in teaching her to read at a young age, we do not pride ourselves in her accomplishment. We have to remember every gift is from above and it's not of our own ability that we can do anything.

Well, God just reminded me today to check my motives on all things, to do everything for Him, and to joyfully serve in any way I can for that brings Him glory. May He grace you with the same remembrance as well.