Yet in spite of this word you did not believe the Lord your God

This morning, I run into the bathroom to share with Jim what the Lord showed me in His word over a quiet cup of coffee.  Some days He shows me great encouragement, some days grave conviction.  Today was the latter.  As I look up at Jim with bible in hand I say, "I'm a stupid Israelite." 
Now, I don't believe that Israelites are actually stupid, in a degrading sense, I just believe they are sinful humans and God uses examples of other sinful humans to humble me, convict me, and show me I'm not smart, but stupid too.

Deut. 1:29 Then I said to you, ‘Do not be in dread or afraid of them. 30 The Lord your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, 31 and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the Lord your God carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way that you went until you came to this place.’ 32 Yet in spite of this word you did not believe the Lord your God,33 who went before you in the way to seek you out a place to pitch your tents, in fire by night and in the cloud by day, to show you by what way you should go.

Okay, we have all been guilty of scoffing at the Israelites as well as Jesus' disciples when we read of their unbelief, their stubbornness, and their complaining. I have even caught myself doing this and questioned my own heart- "Seriously, would I be found faithful or faithLESS if I had been confronted with these things in those days? We wonder how they could struggle with unbelief when they actually SAW with their own eyes God's faithfulness shown in His miracles, element-controlling, and power. I ask you, as I ask myself, how is it that we struggle when we have seen His power and miracles displayed in our own lives? How is that I have observed Him miraclously change my heart from a cold, hard piece of stone that is at enmity with Him into a soft piece of flesh that loves Him? How is it that His words are powerful enough to call the earth and the fullness there of into exsistence; powerful enough to divide the thoughts and intents of a man' heart like a two-edged sword (Hebrews 4:12), powerful enough to sanctify me and yet when trials come, afflictions rise, I go to my own strength, my own thoughts, my own devices to solve them, or fret over them? If His word isn't powerful enough, what is? Nothing! And not only that, as the Israelites and the disciples, I have seen with my own eyes His faithfulness towards me and yet I hesitate to trust Him nearly every time. My first reaction to is to have the wind knocked out of me when I am hit with some sort tempest. One of my favorite Anne Hawks hymns says,

"But, oh, when gloomy doubts prevail- I fear to call Thee mine.

When springs of comfort seem to fail and all my hopes decline...

Yet gracious God where shall I flee? Thou art my only trust

and my soul would ever cling to Thee though prostrate in the dust.

Hast Thou not bid me seek Thy face? And shall I seek in vain?

And can the Ear of Sovereign Grace be deaf when I complain?

No, still the Ear of Sovereign Grace attends the mourner's prayer.

Oh, may I ever find access to breathe my sorrows there."

 Afflictions turn my cry to God and away from myself. He delights each time our hearts and cries are turned to Him. He is turning my faith to Him instead of other things or self. Though I doubt and struggle with unbelief and faithlessness, He is faithful to bring me to His word to help me to see how much I lack and how I can look back and see how faithful He has been countless times before and how I can trust Him. He is going to deliver me. He may not deliver me from afflictions or trials, though He might, but He will certainly deliver me from my lack of faith and He will strengthen my faith and my trust and my hope in Him alone. If my Redeemer pleads my pardon with His blood, He will certainly deliver me from my lack of faith. He is trustworthy and He can not deny Himself. He will keep His covenant for His own glorious namesake. Praise Him for His faithfulness!