Saying you believe something and living like you believe it...

...are two totally different things.  I say I believe and trust God, and know what his word says about trials, his purposes and his sovereign hand; but standing and living on those promises are different than saying you believe them.  I have a sonogram tomorrow.  I try to act really tough and confident- trying to be super excited about possibly finding out if it's a boy or a girl, but in reality, my reality, my sinful, unfaithful natural state, I'm pretty much in "freak out mode."  I don't have the luxury or history of living in the blissful, carefree pregnant state that I so often envy.  I have had way more "bad" sonograms than good ones.  My eyes and my heart automatically scan the screen in a panic mode trying to see movement, a heart beat, anything that says "life" instead of "death."   I know that what ever the outcome of everything God has laid out before me is good, regardless of how it makes my flesh feel, because he is good and I do believe his promises and they have been tested and proved in my own life.  But I am still this fallen creature that tends to want the easy way out, the shortcut, the bed of roses that my flesh longs for on the way to glory.  I have seen the glorious things God does in my life with brokenness and despair.  He makes me to look to him, to cry out to the only one who can help me.  It is not a bitter place to be, it is sweet.  Yet my flesh still presses against it, flees from it.  My prayer is that whether there is weeping or rejoicing in life or death tomorrow, that I would take joy in the God of my salvation and never let my circumstances steal my joy in HIM.

"... but that the works of God might be displayed in him..."

I needed these Scriptures desperately this week.  I still need them today, and I am sure that the principals in these Scriptures need to be lodged into my brain and written on my heart for the rest of my days.  We can say we believe in God's sovereignty and His word, but when trials and afflictions come,  we (I) quickly see the difference in what I say I believe and how much faith I actually have, or in my case- how much faith I actually lack.  May these Scriptures encourage your heart and spur you on to know that God is working out trials and afflictions in your life that he might be given much glory and so that you might believe in Him!  He is trustworthy!

Lord, help my unbelief!  I have seen you work in my life over and over again, and yet when my life is stricken, I see where I fail. Please give me the faith on THIS side of struggles so that I may honor you with my trust, my speech and my actions.

John 11:

1 Now a certain man was ill, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. 2 It was Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was ill. 3 So the sisters sent to him, saying, “Lord, he whom you love is ill.” 4 But when Jesus heard it he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”

40 Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” 41 So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42 I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.”43 When he had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” 44 The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.”

John 9:

1 As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. 2 And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” 3 Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him. 4 We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day; night is coming, when no one can work. 5 As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.” 6 Having said these things, he spat on the ground and made mud with the saliva. Then he anointed the man's eyes with the mud 7 and said to him, “Go, wash in the pool of Siloam” (which means Sent). So he went and washed and came back seeing.