On March 14, 2008 Jim and I went in for another sonogram at almost 8 weeks pregnant and the results confirmed what I had already suspected… The baby did not grow as it should. There was no heartbeat, only a very underdeveloped baby. I had not experienced the extent of morning sickness that I usually do with pregnancy, so I had already had a hunch that things were not going well.
The good news is that upon this loss, I was able to find out that with my only term pregnancy (Dylan), I was actually taking double the hormonal dosage that I have been with these last two pregnancies that ended in miscarriage.
I won’t pretend that I have this all figured out or that I don’t struggle with sorrow or grief, but I have learned through trials and the Word of God that everything that I am told by this world to think and to feel is the complete opposite of the eternal mind-set that God calls us to have.
I feel pressed down hard by God. But the comforting thing is that it is HIS hand that is on me. I can go to the scriptures and see that He is doing this to purify me and conform me to the image of His Son; to make me more like Christ. At this point in my life I feel incredibly loved by God. He loves me enough to do what is best for me, even if it means that I hurt. That is what a true parent does for His child. His hand is moving in my life to give me the greatest good, which is becoming more like Him. Hebrews 12 speaks of the discipline from an earthly father and our heavenly Father: "For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:10-11
I have assurance from His word that in His grand plan, His glory and my good never supersede one another. My good is never at stake for His glory, nor does He sacrifice His glory for my good. They are in a harmonious balance. Everything He does is both for His glory and my good. What a wonderful comfort I can find in that! God’s wonderful plan to truly display His glory to all people includes doing me good all the days of my life.
"…I will not turn away from doing good to them. And I will put the fear of me in their hearts, that they may not turn from me." Jeremiah 32:40b
Have you heard the stories of how they purify gold and silver? They heat the metals up to a heat in which the precious metals are not burnt, but liquefy, at this melting point, the "dross" floats to the top. Dross is all the scum and impurities that are within. They then can scrape the dross off of the top and the outcome is a more pure silver or gold. They do this over and over to create a more pure form. God does the same with His people and the bible testifies to this. The important thing to take note of in the purification process is that the gold or silver is not consumed by the heat, not burnt up. The same thing happens with us, we are heated up so hot to cleanse us of impurities, but not so hot to destroy us. What a beautiful picture of the care God takes in refining us. He cleanses us for our good and for His glory. The old hymn "How firm a foundation" beautifully proclaims this truth:
"When through fiery trials thy pathways shall lie,My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;The flame shall not hurt thee; I only designThy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine."
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers." Romans 8:28-29 Our good that is worked out in His purpose is to conform us to Christ!
"Bless our God, O peoples; let the sound of His praise be heard, who has kept our soul among the living and has not let our feet slip. For you, O God, have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried." Psalm 66:8-10
"… and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested. They will call upon my name, and I will answer them. I will say, "They are my people’; and they will say,"The Lord is my God." Zechariah 13:9b
"In this you rejoice, thou now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith-more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire-may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." 1 Peter 1:6-7
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4
Before all of this happened, I decided to purchase 2 new cds. One I knew the songs on, another I didn’t. I couldn’t decide which cd to purchase that I was not familiar with, but I did see one that was a collection of songs based off of an old book of Puritan prayers. I thought that has to be good. Well, I must praise God for inclining me to that purchase. The first song on the CD says it all and exactly what I needed to hear. Here are the words based on a prayer written by an old Puritan hundreds of years ago…
When You lead me to the valley of vision
I can see You in the heights
And though my humbling wouldn’t be my decision
It’s here Your glory shines so bright
So let me learn that the cross precedes the crown
To be low is to be high
That the valley’s where you make me more like Christ
Chorus:
Let me find Your grace in the valley
Let me find Your life in my death
Let me find Your joy in my sorrow
Your wealth in my need
That You’re near with every breath
In the valley
In the day time, there are stars in the heavens
But they only shine at night
And the deeper that I go into darkness
The more I see Your radiant light
So let me learn that my losses are my gain
To be broken is to heal
That the valley’s where Your power is revealed
Every circumstance you are in is for a purpose. It may be to draw you to God for the first time, or draw you back to Him if you have strayed; it may to make you realize you have a desperate need to be reconciled to God through Jesus Christ. Whatever your circumstance, whatever your trial, my prayer for you is that you would seek after God and feel your desperate need of Him.
It is a glorious thing to rest in God’s sovereignty and power in your life. God grants me the faith to believe upon His word and promises because they are truth and He is truth. That was Jesus’ prayer for you as well. "Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth." John 17:17
When God leads you into the valley, may it be a valley of vision for you, to clearly see His glories. Rightly honor Him by knowing that it is His sovereign hand that leads you to both mountains and valleys and His purpose for those valleys were written before one of your days every began. "… in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them." Psalm 139:16b
So based on this Scripture, along with hundreds of others; God not only knows the future; the whole story, the God of that created the universe, wrote the story!
May the magnitude of His glory, knowledge and power cause you to fear Him, revere Him, and long to know Him.
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