Wow. I literally haven't posted anything since my token baby announcement in November. It's not that I haven't had a steady stream of things to post on. My daughter is smart and learning more and more about the state of her heart before a righteous God. My son is well... Lennox. Or as he refers to himself, "Boy." He's our entertainer. He is talking and talking, and did I mention talking? Campbell is just precious. A pretty laid back baby, this one is! He's very sweet and is all smiles. I have lots to be thankful for and I know who I need to thank, so why is my prayer life lacking? Why has my personal study time slacked off? Oh, I could blame it on adding another calf to the herd. I suppose I could add in that I'm tired. Campbell started sleeping through the night at 2.5 months and then quit again recently because he can roll over one way, but not the other. This seriously disturbs his sleep and well, mine. But I make time for other things, in place of prayer and reading, just as I do with my blog. But my blog isn't where I go to meet my God. I know why. It's a battle with the flesh. The God who made me, saved me and sanctifies me ought to be the only one on a list of "To Dos" but my flesh fights hard against the Spirit. When my body is free from sin in Glory, I will not have to worry about this, but until then He's reminding me of my dependence upon himself to do all things. He's given me power over sin IN HIM, yet I settle for much less. I can spend countless hours finding other things to occupy my time, and I do!
Or Does it?
He deserves so much more from me. And I ought to give it, no matter how many times I fail. I don't want my kids to obey me because they are afraid of me or because it's the law; I want them to obey me because of my love for them, and their love for me. God demands this from us. Not as a cruel task master but a loving Master that owns our heart already and wants us to put it forth to bring Him glory in delighting in obedience. I don't show my love when I can't even give him back the time he's blessed me with. I can't tell my kids I love them and yet never spend time with them. Jim would NOT be okay with me telling people I love him yet never taking the time to show him, spend time with him, let alone even tell him. If my husband deserves that from me, how much more does my God?
Praise the Lord for his patience and grace and mercy! He doesn't leave us where we are, but draws us back into the protection of his will. He is a good Master. Thank you Lord for your gift of Repentance!
