I suppose now is a good of a time as ever to share with my reader(s) some news on our homefront. I realize there may actually be a possibility that Tyler is not the only one that reads this thing. But, if he is, well, it just confirms what I already suspected of him- he’s awesome! You should check out Tyler's blog! Anyway, I digress...
Jim and I found out 7 weeks ago that I was pregnant again. The nurse and I counted up and this makes the ninth time. Oh, and praise the Lord, I am still pregnant! 10.5 weeks to be exact! We have seen 3 amazing sonograms with an amazingly strong heartbeat each time and my 8 week and 10 week sonograms have shown a baby measuring almost a week larger than our dating. I keep up with every detail of every cycle because I have lost a couple of pregnancies before I knew I was pregnant... needless to say, I try and find out each cycle at the earliest moment, if I am pregnant or not- that way I can start taking my hormones as soon as possible. I am 1.5 weeks away from being able to stop taking my daily hormone injections! Jim has been such a trooper to give me a shot in the rump every evening for the last 7.5 weeks, with one more week to go. In April of 2008, my doctor ran some new tests for miscarriage causes that were not available before Dylan was born and found out, in addition to my hormone deficiency, that I also have a blood clotting disorder that is exacerbated by pregnancy. So, in addition to my hormone injections, I have to inject myself with a blood thinner twice a day in the stomach and will continue that through out the pregnancy and until 6 weeks postpartum. Those are tiny insulin needles, much smaller and kinder than the gianormous muscular needles Jim has to stick me with each night. For this, I am thankful.
I am mostly thankful for God’s providence. I know I would not be here apart from His sovereign hand. I am thankful for medicines, doctors, tests and discoveries, but I know that for this to be taking place, it is God’s will. I know that this could all change tomorrow. I know I am not guaranteed a child in 6 months. I know that I had all of these issues while I was pregnant with Dylan and I only took hormones, and Dylan is here today. I know that my God is too big to understand fully. I am thankful that He is incomprehensible. I taught Dylan’s Wednesday night class that word a few weeks back, and I pray as she grows and experiences God’s workings in her own life, she will not just be able to say the word and repeat the definition, but she will know for certain that our God is INCOMPREHENSIBLE. And He is. And we can thank Him for that. Could you worship a god that you had “all figured out?” Would you WANT to worship a god that you had all figured out? He would cease to be God if we could fully understand Him. Would you be bored to death in Heaven if you knew everything about Him before you got there? All of eternity will not be enough time to exhaust knowing Him. He is worthy of our seeking to know Him more, but we will not be able to know everything about Him. He is far too amazing, too beautiful, and too glorious.
The last 7 months have been a roller coaster of change in our lives. I am so thankful that my God does not change. We’ve experienced losses of babies in utero since our family began in 2003 and 5 of them have been since 2007. We experienced a loss of a different type and magnitude in March when we had the opportunity to adopt a little 3 year old girl named “M” just seemingly fell in our laps. We got to meet her, and not that it matters, but she was adorable. She had dark, curly hair, against beautiful fair skin and gorgeous green eyes that smiled with her smile above round, freckled cheeks. We didn’t want to get our hopes up, but it seemed like a given. Her mother regretted not giving her up at birth, left her with people for weeks and months at a time without contact and one of her caregivers was introduced to us. We put together a photo album of our family and wrote her mother a letter. She responded favorably to the photo album and letter, couldn't believe that she'd come across a family like ours, and wanted us to adopt her daughter! She even wanted us to take her before we got the paper work drawn up, so she wouldn’t have to find someone to watch that weekend. Sad, I know. We kept getting these updates like: “They told “M” that she’s getting a new family and she’s trying to pack her things up!”; “Her mother is packing all of her baby pictures and hospital bracelets up for you to have.”; “She should be calling you for you to come pick her up.”; “M” is waiting by the door for you guys.” So, we told Dylan that she was getting a sister. We couldn’t very well let this little one show up with no advanced warning to Dylan. She was soooo excited! “My sister” this and “My sister” that. It was so encouraging. Then, after 2 days of painstaking waiting, we finally got word that she “needed more time.” We never heard back from her. She has found new people to watch “M” and hasn’t changed her parenting that we know of. We mourned this loss like any other, except this time was harder for us, I think. We have hope that our babies we lost in the womb are with our glorious Father in Heaven. We know “M” is still where she was before, in a bad situation. But we know God is merciful and we pray that He will reveal Himself to “M” and her mother and that they may become worshipers of the living God. We thought that this situation with losing “M” might discourage us from adopting. It gave us a greater zeal and desire to go and fulfill James 1:27 as followers of Christ. It’s about giving someone a chance to hear the Gospel that might never hear it otherwise; it’s about giving someone a family and a name by adopting them, just as our Father has adopted us into His Family! May each of us as believers fulfill our calling in James 1:27 to care for the orphans. No, not everyone is called to adopt, but everyone is called to this as believers. If you can’t adopt, maybe God is calling you to give to a young family that can’t afford to adopt; maybe He’s calling you to pray for families that are adopting children; maybe He’s calling you to make the glorious grace of adoption a mission for your church family to pursue. Whatever He’s calling you to do, you can rest assured that this is what He calls pure and undefiled religion:
“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” James 1:27
You were once not a people. Now you are God’s people. God has shown us that He not only pardons us by Christ taking on the wrath that we deserved, but He makes us sons and daughters. The King not only shows His mercy by granting us freedom, but the King invites us to share His name and is immeasurable riches as heirs of God, being joint-heirs with Christ! We don't just get to live, but we get to live in His kingdom! Can we not see the Gospel in adoption? Amen!
I recommend Dr. Russell Moore's new book: Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches. Dr. Moore and his wife have adopted two sons and he is the Dean of Theology at Southern Seminary. Dr. Al Mohler explains that his book is about adoption and the Gospel. There are many great books about adoption and many great books about the Gospel, but this book covers both, to paraphrase Dr. Mohler.
God has granted so much grace to myself and Jim. He has given us grace to be content in our circumstance as we have desired more children for some time now. He showed me my sin of discontent that I was harboring and graciously granted me repentance. He granted me peace so much peace in realizing I may not have another child through my womb. He has shown us the beauty and the Gospel of adoption. It truly is a beautiful doctrine and each one of us Christians can relate to. He has shown us how great He is, that He is the giver of life and it is truly a miraculous event. I have been pregnant 9 times, He has shown me the value of life and how life is granted at conception. I have had the unique opportunity to see over and over the glorious craftmanship of God as Creator. He has shown me His great faithfulness by pruning my branches through each trial. He has given me grace upon grace to praise Him in the storms. He's given me a song in my heart to sing to him when I don't have the strength or energy on my own to praise Him. He has shown me my utter dependance upon Him for everything. Before I spoke about how He is incomprehensible, and He is, but He is so gracious in revealing Himself to us to know enough about Him to love Him and to trust Him. Grace upon grace! Thank you Lord!
