If you didn't already know, Jim and I were expecting a baby in mid June 2008. We had a sonogram at 7 weeks and saw a great little heartbeat and began spreading the news. I have had 2 previous miscarriages before Dylan so we waited until we saw a heartbeat to share. I went in on Tuesday, November 20th for my 10/11 week sonogram and saw no heartbeat this time and the growth chart showed that the baby died about a week prior to the sonogram. We are so sad, but it is here that the glory of God comes in. You see, apart from Christ, I would be a mad and bitter person cursing God for what has happened. I mean, I have lost 3 babies! Is that fair? Let me tell you something, you don't want fair. Fair is that we have all sinned against a holy and righteous God and deserve death and hell. (Romans 3:23-26) He is given me, and you, if you are living and breathing right now, grace to live another day. If you have not given your whole life over time him, it is only a matter of time until you get "fair." I know that I may sound harsh but I am going to use everything that God has given me to urge you to come to Him. I plead with you for your life. It doesn't matter whether you believe in God or Hell, this is real. If you stood in the middle of the interstate and said I don't believe in Mack trucks and an 18 wheeler came barreling at you, it would still hit you and you would still die. Jim and I love all of you and we urge you to seek the LORD. You see, because I have Christ and hope for eternal life, I don't hope in the things of this earth, I know that this isn't all there is. I don't have to hold on to relationships and possessions to give me a sense of security. Those things will pass away; men and women in your life will fail you. But Christ will not...:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
I can look to God in prayer and in His Word for my hope and for things sure.
"We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain," Hebrews 6:19. So often when we say "I hope" it means something other than what God and Scripture says hope means. My hope is SURE and an ANCHOR. It's is not something fleeting and unattainable. My hope is built on Christ who created the heavens and the earth. I have nothing to fear when my hope is built on Him.
I can then turn to:
"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
I can look at the above verse and I know that God is bigger than me and he is using my trials or more specifically, my miscarriages for my good, and probably yours—He is given me an urgency to share with you about Him and His greatness. I know that He works all things for my good, but do you have this assurance? Do you realize that everything happens for a reason? You do understand that before the dawn of time, God would ordain that you read this blog by me? That you would sit down and read from my experiences and more importantly God's word, so that you may know Him who created you? That you could possibly come to Christ? I know that He is using this loss in my life to draw me closer to Him, but also so that you may see in my life what it means to be a child of God. That you would be amazed that someone who has been through what I have been through and what I am going through and see me point to Christ and His glories? I know that without Him I could not respond in rejoicing in Him, but I would be self-centered and angry. But because of Him I have set my eyes on what's above. So that you may see how truly life changing He is.
Yes, I am so sad, I miss my baby and I would have liked this to never happen, but I can rejoice in the fact that God is refining me into His image with this and I can know that greater things are in store for me because of His love and purpose. If just one of you stops to consider your life and eternity because of my situation, it was all worth it. I am still hurting, but I can also rejoice in the fact that God is in control and He never once lost control in my life, He knows what He's doing and will do a much better job than myself (that is an understatement!)
I am so thankful to God for enabling me to say with Job:
"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." Job 1:21
He is God, He knows what's best and whether He gives or He takes, I will bless His name, by the grace of God.
So I urge you, to examine yourself, seek after God and His Word and ask yourself the important questions. What/Who am I living for? If it isn't Christ, you must do something about it. Plead with the Lord to change your heart and its desires. Only He can. Don't put your hope in earthly things, place your hope in that sure anchor that is Christ.
"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.
And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever." 1John 2:15-17
